New Beginings

With it being the eve of New Years Eve I cannot help but begin reflecting on this past year. I took a few minutes to read past blog posts and was amazed at the growth and awareness's I have had. I will admit to being scared and excited about the new year and all its possibilities. I have begun thinking of what I would like to anticipate for my next year. My dream for this year is "Through my surrender & trust, I will gain Faith, Hope & Unity." I believe I have achieved it and in the most unusual and profound ways. I attempt to not expect anything for the new year as I believe when you expect something you limit yourself and those around you; it also limits on how it anything will appear. By expecting I also set myself up for disappointment. I reiterate that I am anticipating new & wonderful things for this upcoming year. Thus a New Beginning. When you watch "Christmas Carol", you learn about how Scrooge starts anew Christmas morning; after all his awakenings and awareness's. What I would like to know is how many of us take this into consideration every Christmas; do we wait for the New Year to start anew or are we still waiting for the "three spirits" to visit us to show us how we aught to be living so we too can have a New Beginning?

Spirit of Christmas

With it being Christmas and everyone in "the spirit", I can not help wonder what causes this. Most everyone I talk to complain about how commercialized it has become, having to buy so and so a gift and how they plan to have back-up gifts in case someone they hadn't planned on giving a gift to gives them one. When I ask the reason for this they all say one of two things "It is expected" or "Karma, if I don't give it will come back and get me". Both of these answers surprises me, as neither of them speak of what Christmas is about. I to for years bought into the having to give everyone a gift and it caused me stress and anxiety. When I didn't get what I wanted I was extremely disappointed. It was five years ago that I stopped. I don't give a gift unless I am inspired to do so, I receive each gift with appreciation as someone took the time to think of me. Even though most have begun to believe I don't practice Christmas. (I do, only not in the way that most do). The fact that they still give me a gift even though I may not practice it the way they do lets me know that they truly do care. So I ask you what is the "spirit " of Christmas & how do you access it? I hear people say they watch Christmas specials or listen to the Christmas music; others say it is through the children. For me this year it was when I began exercising; " I have been given much & I would like to share". I don't have to share, nor am I feeling it is expected. I am doing it because I desire to. This is the spirit that will carry me through until next year. If the giving comes from the heart with no strings, expectations or justifications than it is a true gift. The next step is the receiving of this gift and that is completely up to you. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas.

Out of Sorts

I was thinking about writing about "commitment" some more today and than some one asked if I would write about "karma" there seems to be confusion on how this actually works. It is my turn to write today and I can not seem to get my brain to write about anything. OK, it doesn't want to do much of anything and it isn't only today I had this issue yesterday also. My husband threatened to send me to bed early last night as I was no longer making any sense. What causes these bouts of scattered thinking? I suppose it depends on who you talk to; one person will say "you are dehydrated", another would say "not enough sleep", another "stress". I would love to say it was one of these, how ever I can not I will admit the truth. My brain is having a melt down. I am sure none of you have ever had one of these. With that said wait until Thursday for me to write about "commitment or karma" until than.

I surrender & trust

Distractions

Due to the plethora of distractions I create for myself I haven't written. I could say "It must mean I wasn't meant to write." that would not be the truth. I chose not to. So, I am writing today to thank you all for being patient with me as I begin creating the new habit of writing on this blog. I have asked for reminders to help me to follow through, however the reminders I receive happen at times that are not at all helpful, like while I am driving or in the middle of a store. I am working on rewiring the reminders also. I am sure none of you have experienced this kind of rewiring.

As for distractions, I do appreciate them as they help me either stay strong on what is important or remind me on how easily I can be lead astray. Distractions come in all shapes and sizes. From a thought to a traffic accident. For me one of my distractions was the printer jamming repeatedly. I do realize the more frustrated I became the more the printer jammed. I had to walk away. My husband unjammed it this morning. Guess what this email can even be considered a distraction, especially if you are using it to prevent yourself from doing a unlikeable task.

I will not be a contributor to you delinquency. So, move forward.

I surrender & trust

Dark Side of Appreciation

I learned about this on Sunday. I have been working on the Steps to Gratitude for a class I taught on Saturday. If you understand the process of learning you open yourself up to information coming in from many resources. I had been working on the lesson for this class for two months. Even, after the class I was open to learning more and I was informed about the dark side of Appreciation. I was surprised to learn this as I hadn't ever thought of this as even being apart of Appreciation. It is what happens to distract us from achieving Grace. What is the dark side? Infatuation. When you appreciate something so much that you have to have it which than turns to must have; which may than turn into need. You are in infatuation now instead of appreciation. Once it becomes a need you now have an addiction. Here is an example: I appreciate a cup of coffee so much I would like to have more. I receive another cup of coffee and I am not satisfied so I will get another one. I have it but feel as if I need another. Hope this makes sense.

Senses

With the cold season coming up many of us are dreading the possibilities of getting one. May I suggest taking a moment to enjoy the fact. I know this sounds strange especially when you don't feel well. Have you ever heard of when one of your senses is compromised the others will intensify? Example: If you are blind your hearing becomes better? Have you ever had a hang-over? When you woke up were your senses overly sensitive? This is kind of what happens with a cold, if you have a head cold your body aches do to compensation. It has to feel everything so you can process your world, since your brain can not do it. I challenge you to test my theory. The next time your nose is clogged see if your eyesight seems a little sensitive. I am currently testing this theory as my eyes have been bothering me, so my ears seem to have increased in their ability and I cringe at sounds, I've been turning everything down. I also notice I am extra jumpy as my "feelers" sense things quickly. It can be unnerving.

I surrender & trust

Time out

Shhhhhhhhhh@#. Today started out as an amazing day, I got my children off to school without a fight. One of them even showered without me threatening some bodily harm if it didn't happen. My husband was home, he got to sleep in. I sent off many correspondences. Studied than took my Progress Test 1 for my new class. Which is amazing. Around 10:30 things went to shhhhhhhhh@#. What happened in this time frame is a mystery. Mt husband remembered a meeting that he had to go to, so he left. I receive a notice that my client had canceled for this evening. I decided that sense my husband went off to work I would go to a business lunch. It took me three attempts to get out the door before I was able to actually leave. Upon leaving I found more Idaho visitors than I have in I am not sure. New to the area, they weren't sure where they were going and couldn't decide if they were turning, staying in the lane or stopping randomly. When the first Idaho car stopped randomly I saw a Hawk free gliding over the road. Sweet. I continued on the way, the third Idaho visitor drove really really slow as there were two dogs not deciding if they were going to cross the road or walk down the middle of it. At this point it is 11:36 the luncheon started at 11:30. The Fourth Idaho visitor decided to turn left from the lane he was in despite the fact that there was a center lane who could turn from. I arrived at the lunch only to discover that they were not meeting there. After much swearng on my part I headed home. Than I remembered that I had library books to return (one of those trips back into the house). I stopped at the new library to drop them off and about ran over another Idaho visitor stopped in the parking lot aisle. Which in the longer made me grateful as it made me turn into the lane where the drop off was. When I pushed the books in, the door slammed on my fingers and cut them. I decided at this point it was best if I went home. I followed the fifth Idaho visitor all the way to my street. GRRRRRR. I took this as I am in time out.

I surrender & trust.

Healing more

Last week I was asked to speak for a women's group. It was a luncheon named "Witchy Luncheon" it is an annual event. They asked me to speak on "How to better themselves". Because I am me, I thought it would be more appropriate to talk about how to be a "Good" witch and give examples to know the difference between a "Good" witch and a "Bad" one. I was rather excited to talk about it and thought what an awesome learning experience for us all. My talk took less than 10 minutes. It was suppose to be 20 minutes. When it was all over with the room was utterly silent and they all seemed to waiting for more. I ended up telling them "that's it folks". My ego took over saying you did a horrible job as no one is coming up and telling you that they enjoyed it. I took a deep breathe and walked out to my car, worked really hard at not crying, and than I was told by that higher part of me that "You made them uncomfortable, they do not know what to say or do. Do not be little yourself as this is what you wanted to happen." This comment caused other parts of myself to make retorts such as "why in the hell would she want to cause them discomfort", "She didn't make them uncomfortable, that are not ready to hear what she has to say." I took another deep breathe and went back into face the people as the inner dialogue continued. As I spoke with individuals on the luncheon committee I made excuses for the reason it was so short and justified the topic. Needless to say I walked away feeling a complete failure. A part of me still does, as this is the reason I am writing about it. I wanted to release it to the universe and say, I did my part "good" or "bad" I did it. I am healing from this too. It was a learning experience.

I surrender and trust.

Healing day 6

I am doing better. Each day is a lesson. I enjoyed doing the fortune telling at Gardener Village. I dressed up as a white witch, this helped me with the stereo typing others do about witches. I don't view myself as one, how ever according to some world definitions I would be considered one. With so many different "New Age" things out there I maybe considered a "New Ager". Although after an email that my friend Jaymi sent me I don't feel this is me either. I am not looking for a label more of a clarification so that those around me may feel more comfortable.

I meet a lady last week that for me fit every description I am working on getting away from. She is very interested in working with me. This made me look at what I am focusing on. If you are familiar with the laws of attraction you will know that "What you focus on expands." With this new awareness as of today I am going to focus on something else, so I will bring in things that validate where I am going not where I have already been.

I Surrender & Trust

Healing day 2

I left you yesterday with being scared. Around the age of 10 I had a few experiences that had me questioning a few more things. Such as being in the grocery store and saying to my mom "I wonder if George & Grace (neighbors) are home yet from their trip" and turn the corner and have them standing there. My mom would give me a strange look. I ignored these experiences more and more as you can explain these off as "coincidences". The first life altering experience that I recall is one with my dad. He become more and more aloof and worked a lot. Which wasn't uncommon for him as that was how his job worked. I could feel something was different though and at age 11 you don't have many experiences to pull from to put your finger on it. All I knew was he was different. I use to love being by my dad, now I couldn't handle being in the same room with him. I didn't want him to leave either, because if he left I felt like something horrible was going to happen. This experience happened while he was packing for a business trip. He and my mom were chatting back and forth from the kitchen to their bedroom. He was standing in the kitchen getting a drink of water, when my mom asked him a question. He looked at me with the glass of water raised to his mouth and answered. Chills went through me and a voice screamed, "He is lying". I felt sick. I couldn't move, I wanted to run for various reasons, first where did that voice come from and two does he know that I know? Than I became angry, he was lying and how come I get into trouble if I lie? The only way I could calm myself down was, I had no proof. Other than the voice and the chills. Who would believe me and I sure wasn't going to ask him about it. Honestly, would you?

Facing my emotional muck

Yes, my avoidance continues. However, today I begin the healing process. Last week I felt like I was sitting in "SHIT". I am sure you are familiar with how this may feel. If not, I am happy for you. I called my friend Kimberly, she wasn't available. Suprise, I know this meant sit in it some more. Yea Me. She called me the next day and we discussed it. She informed me that it would be beneficial for me to change my wording from "Emotional Shit" to something else. She suggested "Steeping in the learning". I was feeling that "Emotional Shit" is exactly what I was in so lets keep calling it that, but I agreed to change it.

So, as I sat in "Steeping in learning" I begin thinking about tea. I like tea, however I don't like tea that has steeped to long as it has a very strong flavor. It is then it hit me about "Steeping in learning" I have to "steep" in order to become stronger. I must say that with all this strength training I am begining to feel I could give Shera a run. Ok back to my point.

What have I been avoiding to share with you is the experience that lead up to all this "steeping" I will not go into it now as it is no longer the focus. The focus is me sharing with you my awaking and how difficult it is for me to share who I am with others.

So, here is the beginning of the healing. When I was younger, I was told I had a very active imagination and also "think" before I spoke. Once again I am sure you can all relate. I believe the difference between you and I is that I am still told these things. I diegrease. I am unsure how I came to realize that I was different, maybe it started with my brothers always asking me to rub their back, or maybe it was the fact that babies & children always wanted to by me. Or the fact that the summer of my 9th year, my grandfather informed me I was different and to embrass it. At 9 you don't want to be told that. You want to be like everyone else. As I got older I begin to notice more and feel more. Not listening to my grandfather's advice I thought everyone noticed the glow that comes from plants, that everyone had night visitors, that every food storage room is a dark and scary place,that some people are mean without even saying anything, and there are places one is better off not going into as the presence that lurks with in it is not nice. As a young girl I was surprised every time that when I mentioned any of this I was told "You have an over active imagination, or don't say that you will scare your sister." (Good lord lets not do that,the fact that I am scared hence me saying something, but alright lets not scare her. Steeping in the learning, deep breath) I'm back. Okay maybe not. That's enough healing for the day.

I surrender & trust

Avoid Part 3

It is now 5:00 pm and I feel exhausted. I am meeting up with my friend so we can go to a "Pamper Party". I was excited to go, now I am beginning to dread it. Rooms full of people and people touching me. Yeah not a good thing with my track record so far.

More deep breaths and grounding, then add my new mantra "I can do this, I can do this", "You know these people and how they affect you, so you will be okay." "What about the new people and the ladies doing the pedicure's, waxing, massages etc?" "You find your safe spot and be fantastic. Plus, Michelle is with you as back-up".
I meet Michelle at Target and we headed to my other friends home. It surprised me that I kept turning down the wrong street. This proved to me I was not functioning properly. We finally arrived, I introduced Michelle to my friends and found my safe spot. Still feeling dizzy and light headed I leaned up against the counter in my friends basement, next to a waterfacet.

And the blocks begin, I can not formulate the correct wording.

Will attempt again tomorrow.

I surrender & trust

Avoiding Part 2

Second step into battle.

After my client left, a friend and I meet to go to my niece's baby shower. I was still feeling the effects of an attack, the residual fear and anxiety from the two individuals that had shown up in my office. I couldn't think straight or feel anything but those emotions unil friend and her fear of meeting my in-laws showed up. I had to make a conscience effort to stay focused on where I was going even though I hadn't a clue where this house was. I am grateful that we arrived safely and the only damage that occurred was me taking the rivets off of the bottom of my car when I pulled into a drive-way that was rather high. Before I left the car I took several cleansing breaths to ground me and clear my thoughts.

It was a two-story brick and siding home with beautiful front and back yard. Balloons hung everywhere announcing where the shower was to be. Hurray, it was to be held outside, I could sit with my shoes off and not have to worry about being in a room full of hormones. (That's all I need to add to the emotional party I already have going on.)Only, downside I could see was I would be required to go in to get food. I greeted everyone, introduced them to my friend and choose a place to stand away from most of the people, but close enough to hold a conversation. (This is a self defence mechanism I developed being married to someone who is a tad paranoid. You can see who is coming and going if you are facing the entrance and your back is protected with a wall, friend or other solid object.) I have found this technique to be very beneficial. I can sense people as they come in and know who to help, protect myself from and whom to avoid any physical contact with. Note: I do not do this to be anti-social, a snob, or uncaring. I do this purely out of self defense and protection. ( I shall explain more of this at another time)
All was going well, I visited with family and my friend. Than it hit me, a wave of dizziness. I took a couple of deep breaths and told my friend I was getting some food. I stumbled into the house hoping that if I got food it alleviate the dizziness. First I had to get through the mountain of people in the house. I talked myself out of a panic attack by clarifying "That there were not a mountain of people in there only 4. With the possibility of more coming in. If I was quick I would be okay." Made it in and trapped myself in the kitchen. Everyone else was on the outside of the counter and only one person in the kitchen, safe place? wrong, now I can not get out. "Focus on the food and lite conversation. Focus on the food & lite conversation" became my mantra. With what seemed to be an hour I finally made it back outside to a sunny/shady spot. The dizziness was getting worse. I sat down and begin to eat. The dizziness let up a little as I ate, but never fully went away, which let me know that I was under attack again. "Seriously, why can I not be left alone?" was my first thought. I won't type the second and third thoughts as I am attempting to keep this "PG". Any how, I realize I am getting into an unsafe zone, but how do you politely tell your friend and relatives that you have to leave NOW or may I borrow your garden hose for a moment or two, I only want to walk in it; Without coming across as being rude and abrasive or even worse weird. Either way I would end up having to explain my actions, and I don't believe that any of them want to hear my reasons. I said my goodbye's saying we had to be to another party. My friend and I left. Before we got into our separate cars we discussed where we would meet to ride together to the next party. When she headed to her car I noticed the neighbors had their sprinklers on.I about did a jigg right there. I headed right over to them and found the nearest puddle to walk through. All the while praying that my friend didn't see what I was doing. After doing this I felt better. I jumped into my car asking for more protection and guidance as we headed to the next party.

I shall share that tomorrow.

FYI: Types of attacks that I experience & how they effect me.

Leeches: I call them this, because this is what they remind me of because they latch on to me and hold on for dear life. That is what they take from me, they suck my life force from me. You call this energy. When this happens I become extremely tired, my thought process is out of wack (like it needs any assistance) and I have a screaming headache.

Vampires: These are individuals that have become disconnected from their own soul that they will feed off of anyone. Thing with these though they can be a human, animal or spirit. I have similar effects with these guys as I do with leeches. However with leeches it feels like I am being sucked on like you would a straw. With Vampires it is an automatic drain. It can take less then a minute. Because of how quick it happens. First sign is dizziness, than weak.

Emotional: I carry a happy disposition. Which is like a beacon of light for lost, angry, unhappy, distraught, frightened, anxious, upset, nervous, depressed & wondering souls/individuals. (I am sure there are more that I attract however I didn't want the list to go on forever.) Best way to explain it is that extra perky person you meet, that gets on your nerves so much you want to punch them? Yea it's like that except, it is with your emotions not your thoughts. If you are having a bad day and I run into you, you will pretend that you are doing okay and all, however the emotions that are jumping and slamming into me tell me a whole different story. I therefore, take on your unwanted emotions so that you can function. Yes I can choose whether or not to take it on, however,this is were the attack part comes in some of you are sneaky and will attach it to me like a leech and bam I've got it now. Now imagine everyone in the room doing the same thing. This is the reason I avoid large groups.

Avoiding

Yes I know I haven't written in a while. I have been in a deep argument with my guides. Since I am writing now means they have won. As there was any doubt they wouldn't. To help you better understand the reasons for this disagreement, I will tell you about what started it.

First I am human, second I am surrounded by other humans. With that said I shall begin.

August started off as usual, birthday's, anniversaries and kids getting ready for school,bbq's, family gatherings, and hanging out with friends. In addition to everyday life things such as house cleaning, running a business, school work, being a mother and a wife. It is also not uncommon for me to be attacked two-three times a month by forces unseen. I have a ritual that helps me feel safe and thus easier to remove residual effects of the attack. This is information that I do not share litely, (part of the disagreement).

Dates are a blurr for me so I will only describe the events. I was recovering from the second attack of the month; it was a very busy Saturday; 1:00 angel reading, 2:30Baby shower, 5:00 Spa night with friends. Who knew that the angel reading would be the catalyst for all this.

During the angel reading in my office I was given information about myself, and the battle begin. This information was to tell her and others about how I handle attacks, large groups, fears and insecurities regarding my gifts. I had a panic attack, I believe she didn't notice as she was busy having one also as we had uncovered a truth that she had been avoiding, (see the irony in this). To help her handle the truth, I shared with her how I understood her fears even though I may not have her same fears we all have them. At that moment I heard movement upstairs. I asked if she had heard it and she said she had. I then explained to her about "Harry" the little boy under the stairs (yes, he is a spirit and no that isn't his real name), and how it is not uncommon for "visitors" to stop by during a reading. We continued on. A few minutes later I heard more footsteps, this time I felt it was an actual person, I asked her to excuse me I was going to check to see who was here, I headed up the stairs (she was right behind me as she didn't want to be left, plus she had watched scary movies and knew what happened when you went to look) I turned the corner to see a man and a woman in the door way, they were completely surprised to see me standing there. It was as if I had appeared out of nowhere. I asked if I could help them and they said "no, we heard you had moved your office and wanted to stop by and see it", they asked for Daniel (one of my business partners) I told them he wasn't in and would be back on Monday. Long story short they left, however the fear and anxiety they had remained. I quickly removed some of it so I could continue with my client. Unfortunately, I absorb that kind of stuff and the only way for me to remove it is one of two ways, be outside or take a shower. Neither one was an option.
We headed back down to my office (after locking the door) and discussed the strangeness and how we handled it. Facing a fear and it begins. We finished up so I could get to the baby shower.
I will save that for tomorrow.

I surrender & trust.

Time for wellness

It has been a week since I scratched my eye. I have been amazed at the process and how quickly things can alter. It didn't hurt, it was red. I kept blowing it off as I have allergies. The redness was a deep blood red though and by Friday others were getting worried about it. I on the other hand felt it was fine, it wasn't hurting and for the most part wasn't bothering me. It had started weeping, but isn't that a good thing?The weeping was clear, however by Saturday evening the redness had moved from the outer corner to the whole eye and was beginning to ache, along with weeping. Sunday morning it was glued shut and swollen. My husband said "that's it we are going to the Dr." We first went to Eye Masters but they weren't open. So, we headed over to the ER. I spent the morning there, they sent me to the Moran Eye center, and I spent my afternoon there. In short I have two corneal ulcers right. They are very small and with medication the hope is they will dissolve and not leave any scaring. If they do leave scaring it may effect my vision. I am going with they are healing great.

My point is this, it is the small things, that unless they are paid attention to, can cause the most damage. So take the time to acknowledge and care for the little things so you can be well.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Signs from Above, Generosity (unsure), You Found it (unsure)

Steps

This morning as I was going through my morning routine I discovered that someone else had been using my computer. I have been out of town for the past week and it came as a surprise to see that a solitaire game that I had started before leaving was almost complete. How do I know it wasn't I that hadn't gone that far on my game. I wouldn't have made the moves that had been made that's how. It was during the undo process that I had an epiphany that I would like to share. Bare with me as I share this analogy.

We are all given a deck of cards (life), there are four suites in this deck (life paths), we are all given the choice on how to play this deck, solitaire, poker, gin rummy, etc (free will). The game we have chosen then gives us rules to follow to help us win the game (commandments, ethics, morals, rights etc). Now we chose how to play (using free will we create a life vision). I will continue with solitaire here as it is the game I play all the time, which in itself is interesting as I am forging my own path and not playing with others or allowing others to dictate my next move as you do in poker or gin. Okay back to the analogy;

With the deck in hand you lay out your cards in the order in which matches the rules for the game in which you have chosen to play. From there you begin the process of moving cards or collecting cards to pull them all together so that they are in alignment again (Vision, dream). You continue this process until you have either won the game or have come to a stand off (block). If you have made all the correct moves (choices, unity & trust) everything lines up, things go smoothly. If you do not make the correct choices you end up with cards stacked up on top of each other and you can not get to them and in order to get to them you have to go through a series of other moves to undo what you did to get to what you want. What most of us forget about is the undo button (Forgiveness), you can go back and undo what has been done. As you are reviewing or undoing the steps that you took that got you all blocked in, you must recognize the steps that helped and those that didn't (Truth & Wisdom). You begin again once you have undone what blocked you. (some individuals like to call this being reborn, I like to call it re-alignment). This is pretty much how we go through life. We take steps to move forward,unite or pause, forgive or move forward, gain truth & wisdom, move forward, unite. There are some other steps and I am sure you are learning them.

Now to surmise what I started, I know it wasn't my game because I have the wisdom not to have made those moves (choices) to block me in so bad.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Healing, Activist, Sweetness

Generosity

What are you generous with? Time, money? These are the first two things that pop into my mind when generosity comes up. What else is there to be generous with? Yesterday I learned to be generous with patience, love and kindness. Believe it or not these are things that most of us are very stingy about sharing. I meet with a new client that was having a very difficult time with forgiveness, it was during this process I learned about being generous with love. At first I felt empathy for her but as she was explaining her process and her belief of how difficult it is. I felt this expanding feeling of love. In the past I would have kept it to myself as she is a new client and didn't want to scare her. Over time though I have learned that when I get feelings like this they are not mine to keep. I looked her straight in the eyes and told her how loved she ways. It was amazing to feel it pouring out of me into her. She had many questions after that and I am grateful that I didn't hold it back. Thank you for the guidance and experience. My signs from heaven are birds. I have three black birds that like to bomb me every time I go outside. I look at it as a friendly greeting. Unnerving at times, but a nice greeting none the less. There where many other signs yesterday too, I do not recall all of them, but I do know that I was watched over.

Tonight is the night I spend with my sisters and nieces. I look forward to it and release any judgement or expectation I may be holding at this time.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for today is: Pray, Look Deeper, Animals

Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice is one of my favorite times. School gets out and everyone beings to come a live. Summer time is the time when everyone allows themselves to have some fun, whether it is summer vacation or having friends over for a BBQ. The summer solstice starts that for me. I give a fairy offering every year to encourage that I have a good and bountiful garden. I am continually surprised at what shows up in my garden. Summer is endless possibilities and blossoming. I am excited to see what shows up this year.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for me today is: Signs from above, Marriage (unsure), Generosity (unsure)

Things that don't work

Do you ever have one thing that refuses to work or run? Usually for me it is electronics's. I am the one at the electronic drinking fountains and sinks getting someone else to step in front of them so they will turn on. However there is one thing in my life that is a constant, the blasted pumps on lotion, soap, creams etc. If someone else opens them they will work fine. I would really like to know how come they won't work for me. Do I push to hard (don't go there), do I push not hard enough? This has boggled my mind for years. Yes, it is fresh in my mind as the damn shampoo pump wouldn't work this morning, if that wasn't enough neither would the soap or facial wash pumps. I may out shear frustration go back to soap on a rope. All of this has made me think of things through out my day that haven't worked. I was surprised to see there was a long list. It is a darn good think I am an optimist or that list would have set me into a tail spin. I am choosing to voice it and move on. There, I feel better. Thank you!

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: You are a Leader (unsure), Found It (obviously not the right touch for pumps), Reward (a pump that works, I am hoping)

Play

Do you ever get tired of being the responsible one? Last night a friend was telling me how she was not excited abouting going to Lagoon with a bunch of teenagers. She was dreading all the chaos. I was so excited for her, yet she went on complaining about how obnoxious that many teenagers are. It was than I heard the real reason she didn't want to go. She didn't want to be the responsible one. She wants to go have fun, but doesn't feel she can. It wasn't until I said I would love to go and play with them. How fun would it be to spend the day as a teenager? I asked her if she felt someone had to be responsible could she choose one of the teenagers and designate them as the responsible one. She actual became excited about going.

I know that when I pull the Child guidance card I have to step back and play. So, I am playing today. I encourage you to do the same.

I surrender & trust

Today's guidance is: Higher Education, Wise Decision (unsure), Blessings of Abundance (unsure)

Moments of growth

Yesterday I had one of those moments when it felt like an after school special or a movie like "Sandlot" or "Stand by Me". I was a supportive actress in this film as I was dropping my son and his cousin off to go fishing for the day. As they collected their things out of the car I begin hearing the narrator saying, "It was the summer of my 13th year, I spent the summer fishing. My friends and I started out the summer as friends but by the end of the summer we were brothers. I learned more about life that summer............." I shook my head and attempted not to cry as I realized "Oh my hell, he is growing up." It is in those moments I begin questioning if I have taught him all the things he will benefit from as he grows. My only consolation is that he has a dad that will fill in the blanks. After this reflection, I begin reminiscing about my teenage summers and the many adventures I went on. My heart sored with joy and all the possibilities I had than. I looked at what I wanted to be when I grew up and how things have changed. I asked myself, have I achieved those possibilities, am I someone my mother can be proud of, do I contribute to society in a positive way, am I someone I would want as a friend? At the end of all these questions I learned that I am happy with who I am, where I am and where I am going. I am still carrying that feeling of joy. Thanks to my son and his "Summer of Fishing" I grew. This all took place with in a five minute time period.

It is amazing what one can learn in the "moments" of life.

I Surrender & Trust

Today's guidance is: Child (unsure), Steady Progress (unsure), Love (unsure)

Speaking Truth

What does that mean? Does this mean that you tell whole truth's all the time, or does this mean you use your filter? I am going to go with half truths with the filter. When I receive this guidance I know that I will be given the opportunity to speak what I believe is my truth. As I have stated before all truths are true. My truth comes from the confidence of knowing, and to build that confidence I will be tested on it by speaking my truth. Have you ever had a conversation that about something you feel strongly about, but held back on saying something that you know is true? That is not speaking your truth, speaking your truth would be you speaking up.

I had many opportunities this weekend to do this. At times I didn't speak my truth as it didn't feel like the appropriate time to do so and I feel okay with not doing so. I challenge you to see how often you do this today.

I had a very enlightening conversation with my friend Kimberly, I would share more, but it has left me, all I have now is the remnants of feeling up lifted. I am grateful for all that I have learned and received this weekend. I surrender & trust (knowing that all is working out perfectly)

Guidance for today is : Triumphant (unsure), Healthy eating(unsure), PAUSE (unsure, this excites me)

Wise Decision

Every time I get this guidance I am unsure of what that means. Is a Wise Decision that I pulled the card or is there other decisions that I will make that will be the wise one. Cuz, truly if you think about all the decisions you make in a day, how will I know which one was the wise one. I have chosen the phone call with my friend Jaymi as my wise decision. She helped me move through the rest of the crap I had. She reminded me of the definition of Trust, "What if I Just Knew that everything is working out perfectly." I feel so much better. Yes, I truly was excited about being in PAUSE. I could feel things building up and knew the only way for it to move was in PAUSE. There is a little residual and I anticipate that it will be a few days before it is complete gone. Hmm know that I think about it, is my Wise Decision to listen to "TRUST". I say that every day I "Trust" but apparently I wasn't actually following through. I recognize that know. I will do better today.

I Surrender & Trust ( believe that all is working out perfectly)

Today's guidance: Healing, Speak my TRUTH, Heaven is watching (unsure)

Peaceful

How do you find peacefulness in chaos? This is what I was unsure about yesterday. Everyone around me seems to be in some sort of Chaos. So, when they are feeling anxious, nervous and stressed I feel it. My question is "Am I suppose to be the peacefulness or do I get to be in it?" Okay, I answered my question. If I am in peacefulness than those around me will benefit. Well, I hope in my confusion those in chaos benefited from my peacefulness. My emotions are still running a muck. I will be glad when they get into check. No I am not hormonal. With my emotions running a muck it has been difficult being Brave. Especially when my emotions would rather I sit in the corner and cry. I guess it is being brave if I chose to sit in the corner and cry. Hmmm I will have to think about that. Oh my, I am being pulled to learn something. Off I go.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Play music (unsure), Wise Decision (unsure), PAUSE (woo who)

Appointment

My guidance yesterday was to Pray. I was unsure of what I was praying about but I did so anyway. I figured it had to do with being in Retreat. For me this is a learning time. When I am guided to take a retreat it means that I am being bombarded by to many thoughts, idea's, emotions and outside influences that I am becoming to overwhelmed and not seeing the Vision (Which was another reminder yesterday). I enjoy sitting in prayer and meditation as it is the time my thoughts and emotions are quiet and as one. Yes, it has taken time to build that muscle, which is interesting as that was part of my guidance to continue building my talents(muscle), be patient with myself and to do a healing cleans as my vibration is moving. Be Brave is to help me move forward and embrace the changes that are happening. I am definitely moving out of my comfort zone. All in all the appointment went well. I am grateful for the support.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Mother, Peaceful (unsure), Be Brave (still growing, unsure), & Emotions (unsure)

Retreat

For your information Retreat is not like Pause. Pause is what happens when you would like for things to happen when you want them to and you push for them. Retreat is what happens when you have to remove yourself from everything so you can come back to it with fresh idea's. I am saying this as that is where I am at. I can not talk long as I have an appointment with my angels in 5 minutes so I hurrying to write this. My appointment with them is to help me in my retreat.

I Surrender & Trust

Today's Guidance: Be Brave, Pray (unsure, appointment), Stress Management, & Vision.

Optimism

Friday was an enjoyable day with my daughter. There were several times through out the weekend I had to pull myself aside and get my emotions in check. I am glad for the FYI my angels gave me. Optimism is one of those emotions that I ran the gambit on. One minute I was excited and saw the possibilities the next I was seeing the complete opposite. It didn't only happened on one thing like performing at Thanksgiving Point, it was on everything. From spending time with my daughter to the exercise regiment I have myself on. My poor husband meet my grouchy side more than once. It has been difficult at times to be aware of every emotion. I attempted to be with them as they appeared, however when you are having three different emotions at a time it is rather difficult to decide which one to be with. I am glad the weekend is over with. Everything did turn out well. I am grateful that so many people are patient with me and my emotions.

I Surrender and Trust

Guidance for Today: Safe Travel, Retreat, & Peaceful (Unsure)

Arrogance vs Confidence

Arrogance is a word that has been coming up a lot in various conversations. I have been working with a couple of clients on distinquishing the difference. However this morning as I was driving home from a viewing, I had this epiphany. Arrongance is the "Belief" that you know it all. Confidence is "KNOWing" that you do. Does that make sense? Here is an example: "You can not beat me at a game of basketball, I am so good." Arrogance. Can you here it? "Sure, love to play a basketball game with you, are you sure you want to play against me, cuz I am pretty good." Confidence. Do you hear the difference? I may not be conveying as well as I would like. Hope you get the idea though. That is what my learning experience was yesterday and what I didn't compromise. This is something I have been struggling with the "attitude" I receive from my daughter, I am learning that she is building her Confidence and at times it may come across as Arrogance. Tomorrow is her birthday so she and I will be head off for the rest of today playing.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for the weekend is: Optimism (unsure), Emotions(unsure), Retreat

Learn or not learn

It is up to you. Do you choose to learn from your experiences or do you chose to have them over and over? For example if you drive home the same way everyday you experience the same thing so much so it becomes a habit and you can comfortably go into "automatic pilot" and arrive home without any thought to how you got there. Most of us continue life this way as it is what we know and what makes us feel safe. If you take one wrong turn you become disoriented, unsure and a little scared. By taking that wrong turn you may discover that there is actually a better view on that road than. Yes, I am in a metaphorical mood today, however do you see how we tend to put ourselves into the same box, mold or what ever you want to call it. Yet, we will complain about others making us "Stay in the box". What I have learned is that it doesn't matter how you got into the box, it is whether or not you chose to learn if that is the one you want to be in.

I am building my box into a fort. You know like the ones you use to build when you where little, it had many rooms, if you wanted to add something you went and got another box, blanket, chair or whatever fit for what you desired. I have added a sun room to mine the last three days as being in Pause has required me to sit in it. I discovered I didn't have enough sun light in mine. Yes, I learned many things, none of which I can recall at the moment, but Trust that the things I learned will show up when it is beneficial.

I will head off now as my daughter is ready for school. I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for Today is: Look Deeper (unsure), Be Brave, Learning Experience, Don't Compromise (unsure)

Guess what

I am in Pause. YEAH ME. My morning has been rather eventful, I have finished planting my shrubs, exercised, had breakfast, conversed with three clients and spent time with my son. It was while Iwas asking guidance for today that two cards jumped out: Peaceful (unsure of) & Practice Makes Perfect. I continued asking for guidance Mother, commiment and Pause showed up. I am pushing for something, I will sit in Pause while I figure this out. If you don't hear from me for a couple of days it is because I am still in Pause. I look forward to the growth. Have a great day.

I Surrender & Trust

Healing

I felt so comforted and loved yesterday. My guides made their presences known every where. I had a wonderful conversation with my friend Kimberly, she helped my see that I was putting more energy than neccessary. So, I am finished with that. I have spent the day working in my yard. I love playing in the dirt. I do have several blisters for my hard work. I am excited about them. I had a very enjoyable lunch with my son. I look forward to the weekend.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for the weekend: Forgiveness, Miracle, Steady Progress

Hurt

Yesterday I had a friend inform me that another friend of ours has difficulty with what I do, that she fears I am practicing devil worshiping, or occult practices. She really likes me and is worried about my welfare. Honestly at first I was offended, than I became angry, now I am hurt. My guidance yesterday told me I am a leader, I am sure this is referring to this conversation. At the moment though I am not feeling like one. I am feeling attacked. I am tired of this constant defending of who I am. For the record I don't practice any occult or devil worshiping. I haven't sold my soul to anyone. I may for a killer pair of shoes or to become the chosen recipient of a large stock share in Hershey's Chocolates (JK). As it stands neither of these have shown up for me to offer my soul, so it is still intact. My friend Jaymi would be asking me right now "as the director of your movie what part does this play?" I am going to go with drama & conflict. Every movie has to have some sort of drama and conflict for the Heroin to raise above. Yes, I am not actually rising above it right now, I am doing a good deal of complaining and that is okay I am acknowledging the weakness and moving through it. My guidance yesterday also said Don't Compromise. Am I compromising who am I by throwing this little tantrum, I don't think so, because once I am done, I will still be me. Lastly, my guidance said Wise Decision, this comes from not calling that friend and chewing her out.

Okay, I have vented and feel better. I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today: Emotions (no really), Love (now I am crying) & Healing (yeah)

Who knew?

Words have become a hobby for me. There is a game I like to play called "Word Power". Some other day I will explain how this is played. I would like to talk about a word today that I have come to recognize as the most versatile word. You can use it as an explanation, as a description, an act, slang, and a swear word. If this was a proper English paper I would have said you can use it as a noun, verb, adverb, and an adjective. You will learn shortly how this will not be a proper English paper.

Have you figured the word out? I will give you a hint. It starts with F and rhymes with duck. All my life I have been told what a horrible word this is. I am not seeing it as this any more. Maybe it's because as educated as my husband is this word is his favorite and he will find a way to fit it into any conversation. I on the other hand save this word for special occasions or for when I am extremely frustrated. Over the weekend, I really looked at this word and used it in various sentences (not out loud, though I was tempted many times). That is when I discovered how versatile it is. I can now see the reason my husband likes it. I am now on a mission to find other versatile words.

As for my Signs from heaven, I was unsure and I still am but trust that they were there. I received a 100% on my Harmonics's test this would be my Triumphant and as for Generosity I will go with that my 13 year old is still walking.

I am grateful for all I am and have. I Surrender & Trust

Today's guidance is You are a leader, Wise decision, Don't Compromise

FIx & Repair

When is enough, enough? When do you replace something that is costing you more than you owe? Over the past month and a half my car has been in the shop four times. It is still requiring more work. Yet, so far we have paid out more to get it fix than we have left to pay on it. I am left to wonder how all this repair is a reflection of my life. I was in a state of doubt, hurt and confusion four years ago. I had finished school, started a new job, making good money & yet I still felt insecure. A friend introduced me to the "Secret" I loved it, it was what had been asking for to better my life. I learned how to manifest many things from it. One of them being my current car. I had originally desired a black one, however a black one never showed up. When I zeroed in on the green one boom I got it. I now had more proof how the "Secret" worked. Interesting enough four months after purchasing this car, the "check engine" light kept coming on. six months later I went back to school to get further training. Once I completed this training my life felt even more at odds. The job I worked at was not fitting with any of my training. The owners were friendly, but couldn't stay focused on what they wanted to accomplish. I felt as if they didn't want me there. 10 months after getting this car I was laid off. 11 months later it required a $1200 repair (check engine light). Looking back over all the repairs, I am beginning to wonder if this was the car I really desired. I was pushing so hard for a car and I couldn't wait for the desired one to come along. So, when I changed what I really desired for something that I wanted, look at all the work and trouble I have gone through, because I didn't wait. Does this mean the "Secret" doesn't work? Absolutely not. I got what I asked for, however I didn't wait for what I really desired. I changed my desire to a want midstream, I didn't truly listen nor did I realize the consequences for being impatient. I know you are saying it is only a car. I recognize that, but my question still remains, when is enough, enough. I am tired of battling with the car, I am tired of spending more of my "value" on constant repairs. I am putting my foot down and saying, enough. I am not putting forth any more worry or energy into this issue, I will wait for what it is I truly desire and I am changing my view.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today: Signs from above (unsure), Triumphant, Generosity

Fog

Clouds on a clear day. Yesterday was a beautiful day. The sun felt so good. There were several times I wanted to sit and bask in it. Alas, I was unable to, due to commitments. As a result, my head felt like I had drank a dose of cold medicine. You know that fuzzy, warm, disconnected feeling. Thus being the reason I didn't write yesterday, I couldn't create a coherent thought, unless I was with a client. I still have the residual affects today. I can not wait for it to clear.

I must tell you of an experience I had on Tuesday, the preface to this is I have asked (my guides to help me find) a hoody that has Angel wings, non-black with a zipper in the front. Interestingly enough sense asking I have been told in various ways to go to Big Papa's. I have a coupon for there that keeps following me around, my friend asked me if I had heard about it, I have heard three radio commercials and my husband made a point to ask about the coupon. This said, I went shopping with my Mother (on Tuesday). We went to Gardner Village,wandered through, "Aunt Elsie's", Anastasia's Attic than to lunch. I decided while we where eating lunch to head over to Glover Nursery. I am looking to improve my backyard. As I headed there I noticed Big Papa's (it is in a very obscure location). My thought was there it is I should go there. End of thought and continued on. Found all sorts of fun things at Glover, wandered through had a very helpful sales person tell me about Boxwood's vs Dogwoods, after an hour of browsing I purchased some plants and than I proceeded to take my Mom home. Boom, this same road we came on is now blocked, I can not turn right on it. My mom tells me to turn right anyway, which made me chuckle. She than said "Maybe you can pull through the gas station." I informed her this was illegal, she argued the point. She hadn't ever heard that, when did it became illegal. I stayed where I was waiting for the light so we could go forward. It was than I realized I was going past "Big Papa's again" I felt the urge to pull in there. I also felt this was the reason for the road block. I immediately felt panic as my mom was with me and I knew this store would make her very uncomfortable (it's attached to a cigar shop) I drove past it. Ever sense than I have felt I missed an opportunity. There was someone in there I was to meet. I know that was a long story, but I wanted to acknowledge that I felt I had failed, but trust that another opportunity will arise. What I also wonder is, by not acting on this opportunity, is this the reason I am in a fog?

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today: Be Brave, Animals, Safe Travel

Anger

My son informed me that he is like me, he can not stay mad. One of his friends treated unkindly at lunch, he was angry at the time, but by the middle of his class after lunch he was over it. He kept thinking of ways this friend wasn't nice and all the things he had done to him so he could hold on to his anger. Still by the end of the class he was over it. He came home and took his frustration our on me, because he has "inherited" this ability from me. I have to chuckle because this is so far from the truth. He was in anger management classes by the time he was 6. Granted he doesn't see me become angry very often. This is an emotion I have removed, not because it is a bad one, but because I receive no benefit from it. I do feel it, however it isn't an emotion I latch on to. There are various emotional levels that lead up to anger so once I feel one of those emotions I know when to acknowledge and defuse. For me it usually begins with annoyed, than moves into frustration, once it hits frustration if I don't acknowledge it it turns into irritability, by the time I am irritated things get interesting. I notice I develop an eye twitch. This lets me know that I am storing it rather than acknowledging it. Once I notice the eye twitch and I haven't done anything to defuse it I will feel "anxious and bitchy" and begin to lash out. If I still haven't done anything to defuse it, my body has two lines of defenses before it becomes Angry. It shuts down (mentally) or I become exhausted (from all that storing). Interestedly enough though, this can all transpire in minutes or days. I release the anger I feel by growling. I know that sounds corny, but hay it works. Once I growl, I feel better and move on. There have been only three times in my life that I allowed anger to take complete hold. It scared the hell out of me, and those that witnessed it. Fortunately or unfortunately there is only one person still alive that has witnessed it, my husband. To give you a visual, the sense from Lord of the Rings: Fellowship, where the white elf talks about taking the ring and "all will bow to her and worship her" she looks completely possessed. Ya, that would be what I felt like. So, you see anger isn't something I like to feel. I honestly am proud that my son has learned that it isn't good to hold on to anger. Irritation and frustration are better motivators. If you are unsure about how you feel anger, I challenge you to learn.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is : Forgiveness, Triumphant, Peaceful

Living

How are we living life? Are we living it for ourselves or are we living it so that others will be accepting? Are we living it to take care of everyone else but ourselves? I am constantly asked "How can I live my life without feeling guilty or selfish?" My answer is "What is selfish"? When you have your definition you will than be able to decide. As for the guilt you feel, this is an emotion that our elders used to keep us in line (still works) because we allow it to. This is also how we continue the circle by using it on others. In my early twenties I had a boss that was a wise man. I truly admire and respect him for all he taught me. How not to feel guilty was one of them. He use to tease me endlessly about it. He would put me into situations where I would feel large amounts of guilt and then he would teach me how to turn it around. I would go into more detail, but I ramble enough as it is. His favorite saying to me was "Guilt is a useless emotion and it only benefits those who are inflecting it on you." I understand what he is saying and to a point I agree however the "Useless" part I disagree with. To me this is a check-in. Once you feel guilt it reminds you who has the power. Obviously, not you?

I had a growing weekend. I meet new people and with stood their judgement and how I make them uncomfortable. I respect that and understand how I do. Trust me there are days I make me uncomfortable. This is my life and I chose to live it this way for now, two-twenty minutes from now I may decide to add. For now I am at peace and loving who am I.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for Today is: Mother, Don't Compromise, Healing

Heaven is Watching

My day started out as usual, chaos and excitement. Which consisted of taking my daughter and her friends to school on the way there I noticed my car making a different noise and it smelled funny. I prayed that I would be able to get her and her friends to school and I would get home with no trouble. I did. I had a client and home and a friend took me to get my hair cut so I didn't get to fixing my car until late afternoon. I took it to Tunex where they too could smell the smell and but couldn't identify where it was coming from. They where very helpful. They didn't charge me anything either. I am so grateful that the Heavens where watching. My car is no longer acting fun and the smell is gone.

I am unsure what I have done because today my guidance is Higher Education (unsure), PAUSE, and Vision

I Surrender & Trust

I also look forward to what I will be learning.

Pay it Forward continued

Okay, here is my opinion on how Pay it Forward works. When you feel inspired to do something nice for someone else (wether you know them or not) and expect nothing in return. It's a game in which there are no losers. Your action is a mirror for your emotion of gratitude. You are grateful for what you have and are, so you share it with others. It is when you act on the whisper telling you to smile at a perfect stranger, give the waitress a bigger tip, assisting a mom with getting all her groceries to her car. Because we have all had a day where we feel we are on our last rope and one persons acted on that whisper to help us in some small way, we were able to regain a stronger hold.

The difference between Paying it Forward and doing a good deed is that with Pay it Forward (when doing it correctly) you do it at the spur of the moment. A good deed is something you have thought about and planned. Example: I am going to buy someone a soda today vs. you see a stranger standing in line at the grocery store counting his/her money to see if they have enough money to pay for the loaf of bread and milk they are carrying. You hear the whisper of help them out. You act on that whisper, walk away with the feeling and knowlege that maybe you helped them out in some small way. Having no thought or judgement of how they will react to your helping them out.

Again this is only my opinion.

I Surrender & Trust.

Today's guidance is: Be Brave, Heaven is Watching you (unsure), Optimism

Pay it Forward

This is a great concept and I truly believe in it. I was unaware of some concerns I have with it until I attended a luncheon today with a speaker that spoke about the reasons we should do it, how we would benefit from it and how it has benefited others. Holy smokes.

I now have a screaming headache so I will stop writing. If I am allowed to I will continue this thought tomorrow.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Safe travel, Sweetness (unsure), Signs from above (headache)

Orange juice

I love orange juice. It is like a little ray of sunshine in a cup. Yesterday was an amazing day. I was able to get tons done. Including meditation. I did have a spiritual growth experience and now that I am thinking about it I can not recall the details other than I felt warm all over and excited about what I had learned. Wow, just got a chill which confirms what I wrote. Back to the orange juice, as I was pouring a glass of it this morning I had this thought about how great orange juice is. I can not drink a lot of it as my stomach doesn't tolerate acidic stuff. I do drink a glass as often as I can. It helps fight colds, bad moods, allergies and PMS. How much of that is true, I do not really know, I do know that, that's what I believe it does. Because honestly who can be in a bad mood after drinking a glass of orange juice. Even seeing it in a cup on a rainy, cloudy day like today tends to brighten it up a bit. I recommend you drink a class at least once a week and test my theory.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Speak My Truth (unsure), Healthy Eating, Safe travel.

Solitaire

I get harassed a lot for playing this game. My husband and my son tease me about "Working Hard". What they don't seem to grasp is how important this game is to me and my thought process. Like everyone else my thoughts tend to get in my way. I have found away to keep my intellectual side busy so that I may communicate with my higher and best self. While playing solitaire my brain is keeping the problem solving focused which allows me to see the truth in all the things I am working on. I also have learned that Solitaire is rarely played alone and it will point out to me how I am playing life. If I let the cards land where ever and randomly place them without much thought I win continually. However, ever time I attempt to strategies I fail. Also, when I hurry the process the more I have to back track and undue what I thought where the best moves. This is like that saying "Three steps forward and two steps back". Hence, when I push to hard to get what I think is what I want, the more detours I end up on. Like the song I hear every morning, it may determine the type of day I am having if I loose the solitaire game right off. I get to choose though. I can walk away, bring my thoughts back into focus, change my tune and move forward. How do you play solitaire? Does it reflect how you play life?

I had an amazing weekend, "Flight of the bumble bee" continued until yesterday afternoon. I am exhausted. I have taken most of this morning to reground myself and set the tune for the day "I am a Rock Star" is my chosen tune. This is to help keep me motivated and have a bit of an attitude.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today: Meditation (unsure), Spiritual Growth), Power

Listening

Listening and hearing are two different things. A fine example is children, You tell them not to eat the popcorn, ask them what they are not to eat and they repeat "Popcorn" you leave the room and come back and they have eaten popcorn. and their reply to you is I "oh I thought you said corn". Another example is sitting in a meeting that has gone on longer than five minutes and all that has been accomplished is everyone has a drink and chair, the person conducting is lecturing on how "There is no I in team" all the while you are thinking of all the things you could be accomplishing if you weren't sitting in this meeting.

How do you know you are listening rather than hearing. Hearing requires no response or action on your part where as listening means you do. I listened yesterday to my guidance and it helped me stay in the flow of "Harmony", today's song is "flight of the bumble bee", and I have concerns about several things that are suppose to occur and I am being told to let it go "What will be will be" I will surrender this. In short the practice for today is to listen.

(Note: today I have a home full of children and I am only hearing the chaos, hence the reason for today's topic, plus the random thoughts. )

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Surrender & Release, Abundance, Self Acceptance

Harmony

I have a sign in my kitchen window that reads "Chaos, panic, and disorder.... my work here is done." I can see the reason I am unsure about how "Harmony" will look like in my life. By definition "Harmony" means tuneful sound. Hmmmm, in my world it meant "all is right in the world". Now that I know the true definition I can see how it showed up. Several times through out the day I could hear birds singing. It was rather pretty, in fact a bird and I held on a conversation this morning. Harmony also showed up in how smooth my day played. You can feel the rhythm of a day, take a minute and feel the current of how your day is going to be. Mine sounds like the minuet in G, with a few ripples here and there of excitement.About half way through the day, the tune changes to "Tell Me Ma" which is a quick step, later it slows down to flow of the ocean. I like this, this maybe something I begin doing every morning. I like "Harmony" Who knew. I encourage you to try it. You do realize that you can change the tune if you do not like the it sounds. I totally get the phrase "Change your tune" now. How exciting (feel the ripple). Dang.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for today is: Listening (unsure), Enchantment & Miracles

Divine Guidance

That always sounds so cool when I say it. I feel like I am so special and important that I am getting "Divine Guidance", until yesterday when I was informed to be patient and listen to the Divine Guidance, which ironically was "Surrender & Release". I fought it and informed them that I have been surrendering. Which in turn I was told that I am having judgement issues and to release those judgements as they are not benefiting me. Easier said then done. I know it would be beneficial to release them and I do, however thoughts bring them right back and I am than I am in that place again. Nasty. I will remind myself that I released them and that it isn't my place to judge. (Even, though I keep putting myself into that place.) Okay, I am releasing, you are my witnesses. I feel unsure, but will trust that it was for the interest of my higher purpose. Now I would like a nap. I forget how draining all this is.

I was also told many a time yesterday that I was focusing to much on the material word. Again, thank you for the information. I am changing my focus to studying Harmonics and protection.

I release any and all judgement. I also surrender & Trust.

Guidance for today is: Harmony (unsure), Surrender & Release (unsure, boy aren't they testy), Intention

Rainy Days and Mondays

No they don't always get me down. I spent most of the day with my lovely mom. As for taking care of my body I did make an appointment to see the eye doctor today. My left eye is blurry. Maybe that has to do with focusing also. My uncertainty continues. There are so many possibilities and I am excited for every one. Right now in this minute though I feel as if the rain is weighting me down. I receive my energy from the sun and the moon. My son always teases me about being solar powered. I look forward to the suns appearance today. I can hear a bird chirping out sound my window, how cool is that. I did have a strange epiphany yesterday, one day I may share it with you but for now I will keep it to myself and maybe it will help remove the cloud of uncertainty.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for today is: Surrender & Release ( really), Guardian Angel, Divine Guidance

Mothers

As you know I am one. I have an amazing one. I am continually awwed by my mother's abilities. She has 8 children all of which have turned out rather well. We all get along (yes we have are moments). She worked full time as a surgical nurse in a time when "Women didn't work". She taught us how to be strong and independent. At times I do believe she regretted teaching us this. She taught us how to love and be accepting of others and the importance of doing our best. I only have two children, is it easier with more I think in some ways yes and other ways no. I do commend any woman who has given birth or have adopted a child to love and cherish and are still doing so when the child is ranting and raving about how "Life isn't fair". I admire women who take other children in so that they too can know what "Love" is. I look up to those women who do not take crap from anyone, because they know they deserve better. I congratulate women who have defeated the odds when the odds keep telling her it is "impossible". In short I am glad that I am a woman and have so many role models. My hope is to one day be my, Mom.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I surrender and trust

Guidance for today: uncertainty surrounds my day: New Love, Body Care & Focus

Cloud clearing

Interestingly enough, my fog does have to do with the exercise I am doing. I haven't been eating sugary things and my brain operates off of sugar. I did a test today, every time I eat or drink something sugary the fog clears. Hummmmm, what a dilemma. Do I keep Snickers on hand to feed the fog or do I eat fruit? Ewww can I do both? I promise I will alternate them. Speaking of which it is time to feed it, so that I don't go into a deep fog. There is much to do. I surrender & trust.

Today's Guidance is : Truth & Integrity, Signs (unsure), Healing

P.S. the battery in my cordless mouse has died, now I am forced to use the mouse attached to my laptop. My brain hasn't adjusted to the mouse not being there I keep reaching for it. Weird.

In congruent

My thoughts are still fragmented and in congruent. I feel as if I could benefit from a long winters nap. Usually when this happens I know what is causing it, such as a neg. or an energy vampire has attached itself, it takes me a day to get rid of it and a day to recover. This time though I don't sense either one of those. I think it has more to do with my body adjusting to all the exercise it is doing. I mean seeming how I have been doing the "insanity" workout for a couple of weeks my body is now rebelling. Does this mean I will stop? Nope, I will move through it, because I also know that I am causing this to test my commitment of completing what I started. I am hoping to snap out of it soon. As for the guidance yesterday the "retreat" was obviously beneficial, I did find Freedom in doing so. When you can not think straight it is rather difficult to have any expectations. The day goes on as you move through the motions. As surprising as this sounds, the day seems to go smoother when my thoughts are out of whack. All my inner parts can not argue as much do to the fact neither one is making any sense. I am rambling so I will move on.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for Today: Serenity (unsure), Divine Timing, & Self Acceptance

Retreat

My guidance for today is to Retreat (unsure), Study(know the reason for this) and Power (unsure). I am really tired today and could benefit from a Retreat, however I have a lot to accomplish between now and Saturday. My friend Jaymi is here visiting, but will be working mostly during the day. I am glad to have her here. I have many thoughts for today, except i received very little sleep last night do to muscles cramping and thinking through the process for teaching a class on Saturday. I brain fragmented. Hence again the retreat. I will retreat then as I do not want to be put into "Pause".

I Surrender & Trust.

Playfullness

Do you ever have one of those days where you are in a sarcastic, playful and teasing mood? It happens when you have playful conversations with complete strangers. You tease the clerk at the grocery store and they tease you back. You make an off handed comment to the assistant at Home Depot about "Shaking up the Paint", and he banters right back. I love those days. It reminds me of my childhood and the friendly bantering I did with my older brothers and my little sister. I watch and listen to my own children as they attempt do this, for example my daughter told my son "I was hoping for a little brother and end up with an older one, look how that turned out." I realize she is 8 and will get better with time. On the other hand when her brother attempts the same comment she falls apart, big tears and wants to know "how come he is so mean to her?". Again, another fond memory of my little sister and her response to our brothers teasing her. The old saying is "It is all fun and games until some one gets hurt", my question is were is the line of friendly bantering and bulling? My son says he is bullied a lot at school, however when I question him about said "bulling" what he describes to me are kids being kids and testing their own "bantering" skills. When I point out his bantering out and ask are you being a bully or playing? He gets all defensive. Would some one please explain to me the difference?

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance today is: Truth & Integrity (unsure), Freedom, Manifestation

Putting Off

Did you know there is a difference between procrastinating, avoiding and putting things off. I have discovered that the difference is the level of emotional irritation or discomfort one may have to endure when following through on whatever it is you are attempting to "Avoid, procrastinate or putting off". Example: Putting up a fence, planting flowers, weeding, finishing the basement are all things that I put off. Reason being is the minute I think about them a recognize that there is a lot of work involved, not to mention, time and money. Hum mm, not into doing it right now so I think about them, and that is the extent of it. Laundry; this is an on going avoidance for me, I am aware that it has to be done, I avoid doing it as it doesn't ever seem to be done. It is like the Mary Poppins bag, every time I reach in the hamper there is something to be pulled out. However if I look into it there doesn't seem to be that much there. Grocery shopping is a procrastination, I think about and think about the time and money involved of having to do it and than decide we have enough food and supplies to survive, this isn't necessary to do right this minute. Which two days later, I am asked if I would be getting milk any time soon. This in turn forces me to do it as I now have a mutiny pending.

I believe most things start as a "Put off", which than becomes an "Avoidance", in the end it because an emotional "Ahhhhh" that moves it to "Procrastination" it is when the emotional "Ahhhh" becomes an "Oh Sh*#" that you move into action.

This may not be the case for you, however this is the truth for me. Hence the reason for my not writing yesterday as I put it off. I also avoid the guidance my angels gave me on Wednesday. Now, I am facing that "Ahhh" which put me into action.

I surrender and trust

Today's guidance: Playfulness (unsure), Divine Timing, Balance (I am aware of this, currently rectifying it)

Giving

What are you willing to give up? This is a question my instructors, mentors and professors continually ask. What are you willing to give up to gain what you want? In truth I think it all depends on what it is I want, I will gladly give up $25 for a great pair of shoes. Not so sure I would give up $50 though. When I was first asked this I thought it had to be something that was tangible, over the years I have learned tangible things are easier to give up than say old habits. For example I gave up sleeping in until 7:00 am every morning to develop better physical health. I had to develop "mind over mattress" which I am pretty sure you can understand. There are little things we will gladly give up to help someone out, such as I gave my old shoes to my mom so she can give them to "Shoes for Africa". I will give up time and money to help a cause I believe in. What lengths would you go to? I am completely humbled by what my friend has given up, I consider myself a generous person, I believe if asked to I would give up my life. However, my friend made a decision a year ago to donate a kidney and yesterday she did. She is perfectly healthy and wanted to give someone else the opportunity to be health also. She didn't do it because she knew the person, nor for the attention she may receive from doing so, she gave it up for her genuine desire to help others. She has had many individuals criticize her for doing this telling her "well now she will only have one good kidney, what happens if that one fails. " This is a risk she is willing to take. Is this something I would or could ever do? At this moment I would say no, who knows what tomorrow or the future brings I may change that answer. I have such complete admiration for her and commend her for the strength she had to follow through. Honestly, it makes my "mind over mattress" seem so small, but I know that it isn't an less difficult to follow through.
I Surrender & Trust

Today's guidance: Power (unsure), Surrender & release, New Beginnings

Idea's & inspiration

How is it when you go outside with the intention of working in the yard that the sun feels so good, you find yourself asleep. I woke up a half hour later, with the bottom half of my legs sunburned. I had a jacket on so my arms didn't get any. I hope I am not developing that disorder that you fall asleep anywhere at any time. Maybe I have programmed myself to fall asleep when I go outside, to stop me from doing yard work. Dang, I really would like to clean up my flower beds. Plus I have big plans for my yard, I can not afford to sleep every time I go out there to do work. Besides, I love being outside when the sun is shinning and there is a light breeze. I am always cold so the sun feels really good. I will work on changing this habit. On a lighter note, Bryan came home for lunch yesterday which was really nice. I don't recall any outstanding idea's or inspired thoughts yesterday, I do recall the conversation with my good friend Kimberly and how she helped me move through my own concerns. Last night though I watched parts of "Conversations about God" with Bryan. I have to say that Freud was one screwed up dude. Some of his ideas have merit, but mostly that dude would benefit from seeing a shrink or witch doctor. Maybe he was possessed. C.S. Lewis seemed to have his stuff together, except for the fact that he didn't really get to experience life due to his own self restrictions. It is always interesting to hear others take on God, source or the none God believers. No matter who you are you do draw strength from some where, so where does it come from? That's all I am saying.

I Surrender & Trust

Today's Guidance is: Study(unsure), Freedom, & Abundance

Women over 40

I broke down and had my hair done professionally. It has been about nine months sense I had it done (yes this is a confession). The grey is no longer grey it is white which stands out really well in contrast to my black hair. While getting my hair done, I was tested on speaking my truth. It is always interesting to see individuals reaction once I tell them what I do. It is a cross between confusion and disbelief. Both I can deal with, in all honest I believe I would have the same reaction. That is not what I wanted to talk about though, I wanted to talk about a woman who was in the chair across from me ranting and raving about a wide variety of things, the two that caught my attention where, her view on men and women over 40. Let me start with men, her car required a tune-up she took it to an to an ex-boyfriend (not to mention that she is in a relationship) who insisted that she not pay him. They compromised and she took him to dinner. During this dinner he kept telling her how bad he wanted her back and all the horrible things he did, he wouldn't do again if she would only come back to him, he is lost and miserable. She finally left him at the restaurant telling him to take a cab home. She went on to say how bad she felt for him, he is a nice guy but she is happy with whom she is with now. Which leads into her type of men. This is brief; he must have a job, be nice and have his own vehichle, (could be me but doesn't Ted Bundy fit this discription?) Any how she and the hairdresser bashed men for a bit, than went onto descripe that some of the men they had dated went for women who wore tight t-shirts and short jeans. That same woman made the comment "Women over forty look horrible, with their fake boobs, died hair and tight t-shirts. They should face the fact that they are older and move on." The lady doing my hair asked her how old she is, the women replied she was 31. Hence, the reason it is okay for her to have the "hot pink" stripes being put in her hair and she can wear the spaghetti strap tank top and short jeans. This woman went onto ragding about how her mom is in here 50's and trying to reclaim her youth. She is embarrassed that her mom is wearing these cloths, has stripes in her hair and is listening to "Teeny boober" music cranked up. That is not what a woman of her age should be doing. Hopping from club to club picking up guys is not healthy.
I listened to this for two hours. Those are the highlights, I am concerned though and not because I am approaching her cut off age to be youthful, but because she can not see her mom as a woman and that I do hope her mom has a longer list of qualifications for the guys she is picking up. A couple of weeks ago I write about we allow people to define who we are, now I am writing about how we maybe creating individuals into what we think they should be, so we won't have to be uncomfortable with the truth. I applaud her mom for what she is doing, I may not agree, but hey at least she isn't allowing her daughter to dictact to her what she should be. Look at Demi Moore, she's 50, but as my husband pointed out she is an acception to the rule. What I want to know is who made that rule. Okay I will quit rambling.

I Surrender & Trust

My guidance for today is Nature (unsure), Soul Mate, and Ideas & Inspiration (unsure)

Taking a day

Morning routine. How does this get started? Before I drank coffee how did I ever start my day? Before I had kids what made me get out of bed? I know I got out of bed on Saturday's purely to watch Saturday cartoons. Now, I can watch them 24-7.
Be brave was my guidance for Wednesday, I was brave I got out of bed and started a whole new day of adventure. So much so I had to take a day yesterday to regroup. I attended a Jordan Area Women in Business luncheon on Wednesday that was very informative. It was on recycling and what I found out is you can not recycle anything but whole pieces of paper, cans, water bottles, some plastic containers and that I lied about the pizza carton. You can not recycle any of it. My friend Karen told me to keep my angels to myself so she could win the raffle prize. Well, my angels took that as a challenge and rewarded me with two raffle prizes. I am still laughing about that. My daughter is now off track. I am excited for the next three weeks of entertaining a "drama queen". I spoke with my sister about this and we decided we were never "drama queens" we could be very dramatic, but not ever a "drama queen" purely because neither one of us would put up with it. Example: on my day off yesterday I took my daughter shopping. I spent 45 minutes in Old Navy's dressing room witnessing a fashion show. I didn't have to say a thing, my daughter would give a discription of why or why not the particular garment would work. In the end I bought her one t-shirt. Needless to say we only went to two stores, before I had to be home for my son. I took a nap once we got home. I know I maybe rambling today and that's okay because I spoke with the writer and she said she would do better at being discriptive.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is:Be Brave, You Found it (unsure), Speak Your Truth (unsure)

New Adventure

The scene being shot for today is one with a group of amazing women. The motive is to mingle and learn from these women. The topic will be on is re-cycling the correct way. Did you know the only thing that can be recycled on a pizza box is the bottom? The top usually has grease and cheese on it so it negates it. The weather is building up for a storm and which is also building up for tomorrow's thriller shot.

Okay, I wanted to test out my "director", it maybe beneficial to have the writer be more descriptive on how the scene will play out. I will have a discussion with her later today.

As for my guidance yesterday, Animals: I saw geese, a robin tried to attack me, my cat followed me everywhere and my friend told me about her new dog "Maggie". I was unsure about my optimism as Tuesday tends to be a crazy day and when other things show up to add to it, such as my son locking himself out of the house, shortly after I left. I wonder if I will make it through the day without harming myself or my children. In the end I did forgive myself for all the things I didn't achieve and reminded myself that today is another day. Therefor, it will be an "New Adventure".

I Surrender & Trust

My guidance for today is: Steady Progress, Signs from above (unsure), Be Brave