Facing my emotional muck

Yes, my avoidance continues. However, today I begin the healing process. Last week I felt like I was sitting in "SHIT". I am sure you are familiar with how this may feel. If not, I am happy for you. I called my friend Kimberly, she wasn't available. Suprise, I know this meant sit in it some more. Yea Me. She called me the next day and we discussed it. She informed me that it would be beneficial for me to change my wording from "Emotional Shit" to something else. She suggested "Steeping in the learning". I was feeling that "Emotional Shit" is exactly what I was in so lets keep calling it that, but I agreed to change it.

So, as I sat in "Steeping in learning" I begin thinking about tea. I like tea, however I don't like tea that has steeped to long as it has a very strong flavor. It is then it hit me about "Steeping in learning" I have to "steep" in order to become stronger. I must say that with all this strength training I am begining to feel I could give Shera a run. Ok back to my point.

What have I been avoiding to share with you is the experience that lead up to all this "steeping" I will not go into it now as it is no longer the focus. The focus is me sharing with you my awaking and how difficult it is for me to share who I am with others.

So, here is the beginning of the healing. When I was younger, I was told I had a very active imagination and also "think" before I spoke. Once again I am sure you can all relate. I believe the difference between you and I is that I am still told these things. I diegrease. I am unsure how I came to realize that I was different, maybe it started with my brothers always asking me to rub their back, or maybe it was the fact that babies & children always wanted to by me. Or the fact that the summer of my 9th year, my grandfather informed me I was different and to embrass it. At 9 you don't want to be told that. You want to be like everyone else. As I got older I begin to notice more and feel more. Not listening to my grandfather's advice I thought everyone noticed the glow that comes from plants, that everyone had night visitors, that every food storage room is a dark and scary place,that some people are mean without even saying anything, and there are places one is better off not going into as the presence that lurks with in it is not nice. As a young girl I was surprised every time that when I mentioned any of this I was told "You have an over active imagination, or don't say that you will scare your sister." (Good lord lets not do that,the fact that I am scared hence me saying something, but alright lets not scare her. Steeping in the learning, deep breath) I'm back. Okay maybe not. That's enough healing for the day.

I surrender & trust