Fog

Clouds on a clear day. Yesterday was a beautiful day. The sun felt so good. There were several times I wanted to sit and bask in it. Alas, I was unable to, due to commitments. As a result, my head felt like I had drank a dose of cold medicine. You know that fuzzy, warm, disconnected feeling. Thus being the reason I didn't write yesterday, I couldn't create a coherent thought, unless I was with a client. I still have the residual affects today. I can not wait for it to clear.

I must tell you of an experience I had on Tuesday, the preface to this is I have asked (my guides to help me find) a hoody that has Angel wings, non-black with a zipper in the front. Interestingly enough sense asking I have been told in various ways to go to Big Papa's. I have a coupon for there that keeps following me around, my friend asked me if I had heard about it, I have heard three radio commercials and my husband made a point to ask about the coupon. This said, I went shopping with my Mother (on Tuesday). We went to Gardner Village,wandered through, "Aunt Elsie's", Anastasia's Attic than to lunch. I decided while we where eating lunch to head over to Glover Nursery. I am looking to improve my backyard. As I headed there I noticed Big Papa's (it is in a very obscure location). My thought was there it is I should go there. End of thought and continued on. Found all sorts of fun things at Glover, wandered through had a very helpful sales person tell me about Boxwood's vs Dogwoods, after an hour of browsing I purchased some plants and than I proceeded to take my Mom home. Boom, this same road we came on is now blocked, I can not turn right on it. My mom tells me to turn right anyway, which made me chuckle. She than said "Maybe you can pull through the gas station." I informed her this was illegal, she argued the point. She hadn't ever heard that, when did it became illegal. I stayed where I was waiting for the light so we could go forward. It was than I realized I was going past "Big Papa's again" I felt the urge to pull in there. I also felt this was the reason for the road block. I immediately felt panic as my mom was with me and I knew this store would make her very uncomfortable (it's attached to a cigar shop) I drove past it. Ever sense than I have felt I missed an opportunity. There was someone in there I was to meet. I know that was a long story, but I wanted to acknowledge that I felt I had failed, but trust that another opportunity will arise. What I also wonder is, by not acting on this opportunity, is this the reason I am in a fog?

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today: Be Brave, Animals, Safe Travel

Anger

My son informed me that he is like me, he can not stay mad. One of his friends treated unkindly at lunch, he was angry at the time, but by the middle of his class after lunch he was over it. He kept thinking of ways this friend wasn't nice and all the things he had done to him so he could hold on to his anger. Still by the end of the class he was over it. He came home and took his frustration our on me, because he has "inherited" this ability from me. I have to chuckle because this is so far from the truth. He was in anger management classes by the time he was 6. Granted he doesn't see me become angry very often. This is an emotion I have removed, not because it is a bad one, but because I receive no benefit from it. I do feel it, however it isn't an emotion I latch on to. There are various emotional levels that lead up to anger so once I feel one of those emotions I know when to acknowledge and defuse. For me it usually begins with annoyed, than moves into frustration, once it hits frustration if I don't acknowledge it it turns into irritability, by the time I am irritated things get interesting. I notice I develop an eye twitch. This lets me know that I am storing it rather than acknowledging it. Once I notice the eye twitch and I haven't done anything to defuse it I will feel "anxious and bitchy" and begin to lash out. If I still haven't done anything to defuse it, my body has two lines of defenses before it becomes Angry. It shuts down (mentally) or I become exhausted (from all that storing). Interestedly enough though, this can all transpire in minutes or days. I release the anger I feel by growling. I know that sounds corny, but hay it works. Once I growl, I feel better and move on. There have been only three times in my life that I allowed anger to take complete hold. It scared the hell out of me, and those that witnessed it. Fortunately or unfortunately there is only one person still alive that has witnessed it, my husband. To give you a visual, the sense from Lord of the Rings: Fellowship, where the white elf talks about taking the ring and "all will bow to her and worship her" she looks completely possessed. Ya, that would be what I felt like. So, you see anger isn't something I like to feel. I honestly am proud that my son has learned that it isn't good to hold on to anger. Irritation and frustration are better motivators. If you are unsure about how you feel anger, I challenge you to learn.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is : Forgiveness, Triumphant, Peaceful

Living

How are we living life? Are we living it for ourselves or are we living it so that others will be accepting? Are we living it to take care of everyone else but ourselves? I am constantly asked "How can I live my life without feeling guilty or selfish?" My answer is "What is selfish"? When you have your definition you will than be able to decide. As for the guilt you feel, this is an emotion that our elders used to keep us in line (still works) because we allow it to. This is also how we continue the circle by using it on others. In my early twenties I had a boss that was a wise man. I truly admire and respect him for all he taught me. How not to feel guilty was one of them. He use to tease me endlessly about it. He would put me into situations where I would feel large amounts of guilt and then he would teach me how to turn it around. I would go into more detail, but I ramble enough as it is. His favorite saying to me was "Guilt is a useless emotion and it only benefits those who are inflecting it on you." I understand what he is saying and to a point I agree however the "Useless" part I disagree with. To me this is a check-in. Once you feel guilt it reminds you who has the power. Obviously, not you?

I had a growing weekend. I meet new people and with stood their judgement and how I make them uncomfortable. I respect that and understand how I do. Trust me there are days I make me uncomfortable. This is my life and I chose to live it this way for now, two-twenty minutes from now I may decide to add. For now I am at peace and loving who am I.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for Today is: Mother, Don't Compromise, Healing

Heaven is Watching

My day started out as usual, chaos and excitement. Which consisted of taking my daughter and her friends to school on the way there I noticed my car making a different noise and it smelled funny. I prayed that I would be able to get her and her friends to school and I would get home with no trouble. I did. I had a client and home and a friend took me to get my hair cut so I didn't get to fixing my car until late afternoon. I took it to Tunex where they too could smell the smell and but couldn't identify where it was coming from. They where very helpful. They didn't charge me anything either. I am so grateful that the Heavens where watching. My car is no longer acting fun and the smell is gone.

I am unsure what I have done because today my guidance is Higher Education (unsure), PAUSE, and Vision

I Surrender & Trust

I also look forward to what I will be learning.

Pay it Forward continued

Okay, here is my opinion on how Pay it Forward works. When you feel inspired to do something nice for someone else (wether you know them or not) and expect nothing in return. It's a game in which there are no losers. Your action is a mirror for your emotion of gratitude. You are grateful for what you have and are, so you share it with others. It is when you act on the whisper telling you to smile at a perfect stranger, give the waitress a bigger tip, assisting a mom with getting all her groceries to her car. Because we have all had a day where we feel we are on our last rope and one persons acted on that whisper to help us in some small way, we were able to regain a stronger hold.

The difference between Paying it Forward and doing a good deed is that with Pay it Forward (when doing it correctly) you do it at the spur of the moment. A good deed is something you have thought about and planned. Example: I am going to buy someone a soda today vs. you see a stranger standing in line at the grocery store counting his/her money to see if they have enough money to pay for the loaf of bread and milk they are carrying. You hear the whisper of help them out. You act on that whisper, walk away with the feeling and knowlege that maybe you helped them out in some small way. Having no thought or judgement of how they will react to your helping them out.

Again this is only my opinion.

I Surrender & Trust.

Today's guidance is: Be Brave, Heaven is Watching you (unsure), Optimism

Pay it Forward

This is a great concept and I truly believe in it. I was unaware of some concerns I have with it until I attended a luncheon today with a speaker that spoke about the reasons we should do it, how we would benefit from it and how it has benefited others. Holy smokes.

I now have a screaming headache so I will stop writing. If I am allowed to I will continue this thought tomorrow.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Safe travel, Sweetness (unsure), Signs from above (headache)

Orange juice

I love orange juice. It is like a little ray of sunshine in a cup. Yesterday was an amazing day. I was able to get tons done. Including meditation. I did have a spiritual growth experience and now that I am thinking about it I can not recall the details other than I felt warm all over and excited about what I had learned. Wow, just got a chill which confirms what I wrote. Back to the orange juice, as I was pouring a glass of it this morning I had this thought about how great orange juice is. I can not drink a lot of it as my stomach doesn't tolerate acidic stuff. I do drink a glass as often as I can. It helps fight colds, bad moods, allergies and PMS. How much of that is true, I do not really know, I do know that, that's what I believe it does. Because honestly who can be in a bad mood after drinking a glass of orange juice. Even seeing it in a cup on a rainy, cloudy day like today tends to brighten it up a bit. I recommend you drink a class at least once a week and test my theory.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Speak My Truth (unsure), Healthy Eating, Safe travel.

Solitaire

I get harassed a lot for playing this game. My husband and my son tease me about "Working Hard". What they don't seem to grasp is how important this game is to me and my thought process. Like everyone else my thoughts tend to get in my way. I have found away to keep my intellectual side busy so that I may communicate with my higher and best self. While playing solitaire my brain is keeping the problem solving focused which allows me to see the truth in all the things I am working on. I also have learned that Solitaire is rarely played alone and it will point out to me how I am playing life. If I let the cards land where ever and randomly place them without much thought I win continually. However, ever time I attempt to strategies I fail. Also, when I hurry the process the more I have to back track and undue what I thought where the best moves. This is like that saying "Three steps forward and two steps back". Hence, when I push to hard to get what I think is what I want, the more detours I end up on. Like the song I hear every morning, it may determine the type of day I am having if I loose the solitaire game right off. I get to choose though. I can walk away, bring my thoughts back into focus, change my tune and move forward. How do you play solitaire? Does it reflect how you play life?

I had an amazing weekend, "Flight of the bumble bee" continued until yesterday afternoon. I am exhausted. I have taken most of this morning to reground myself and set the tune for the day "I am a Rock Star" is my chosen tune. This is to help keep me motivated and have a bit of an attitude.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today: Meditation (unsure), Spiritual Growth), Power

Listening

Listening and hearing are two different things. A fine example is children, You tell them not to eat the popcorn, ask them what they are not to eat and they repeat "Popcorn" you leave the room and come back and they have eaten popcorn. and their reply to you is I "oh I thought you said corn". Another example is sitting in a meeting that has gone on longer than five minutes and all that has been accomplished is everyone has a drink and chair, the person conducting is lecturing on how "There is no I in team" all the while you are thinking of all the things you could be accomplishing if you weren't sitting in this meeting.

How do you know you are listening rather than hearing. Hearing requires no response or action on your part where as listening means you do. I listened yesterday to my guidance and it helped me stay in the flow of "Harmony", today's song is "flight of the bumble bee", and I have concerns about several things that are suppose to occur and I am being told to let it go "What will be will be" I will surrender this. In short the practice for today is to listen.

(Note: today I have a home full of children and I am only hearing the chaos, hence the reason for today's topic, plus the random thoughts. )

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Surrender & Release, Abundance, Self Acceptance

Harmony

I have a sign in my kitchen window that reads "Chaos, panic, and disorder.... my work here is done." I can see the reason I am unsure about how "Harmony" will look like in my life. By definition "Harmony" means tuneful sound. Hmmmm, in my world it meant "all is right in the world". Now that I know the true definition I can see how it showed up. Several times through out the day I could hear birds singing. It was rather pretty, in fact a bird and I held on a conversation this morning. Harmony also showed up in how smooth my day played. You can feel the rhythm of a day, take a minute and feel the current of how your day is going to be. Mine sounds like the minuet in G, with a few ripples here and there of excitement.About half way through the day, the tune changes to "Tell Me Ma" which is a quick step, later it slows down to flow of the ocean. I like this, this maybe something I begin doing every morning. I like "Harmony" Who knew. I encourage you to try it. You do realize that you can change the tune if you do not like the it sounds. I totally get the phrase "Change your tune" now. How exciting (feel the ripple). Dang.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for today is: Listening (unsure), Enchantment & Miracles

Divine Guidance

That always sounds so cool when I say it. I feel like I am so special and important that I am getting "Divine Guidance", until yesterday when I was informed to be patient and listen to the Divine Guidance, which ironically was "Surrender & Release". I fought it and informed them that I have been surrendering. Which in turn I was told that I am having judgement issues and to release those judgements as they are not benefiting me. Easier said then done. I know it would be beneficial to release them and I do, however thoughts bring them right back and I am than I am in that place again. Nasty. I will remind myself that I released them and that it isn't my place to judge. (Even, though I keep putting myself into that place.) Okay, I am releasing, you are my witnesses. I feel unsure, but will trust that it was for the interest of my higher purpose. Now I would like a nap. I forget how draining all this is.

I was also told many a time yesterday that I was focusing to much on the material word. Again, thank you for the information. I am changing my focus to studying Harmonics and protection.

I release any and all judgement. I also surrender & Trust.

Guidance for today is: Harmony (unsure), Surrender & Release (unsure, boy aren't they testy), Intention

Rainy Days and Mondays

No they don't always get me down. I spent most of the day with my lovely mom. As for taking care of my body I did make an appointment to see the eye doctor today. My left eye is blurry. Maybe that has to do with focusing also. My uncertainty continues. There are so many possibilities and I am excited for every one. Right now in this minute though I feel as if the rain is weighting me down. I receive my energy from the sun and the moon. My son always teases me about being solar powered. I look forward to the suns appearance today. I can hear a bird chirping out sound my window, how cool is that. I did have a strange epiphany yesterday, one day I may share it with you but for now I will keep it to myself and maybe it will help remove the cloud of uncertainty.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for today is: Surrender & Release ( really), Guardian Angel, Divine Guidance

Mothers

As you know I am one. I have an amazing one. I am continually awwed by my mother's abilities. She has 8 children all of which have turned out rather well. We all get along (yes we have are moments). She worked full time as a surgical nurse in a time when "Women didn't work". She taught us how to be strong and independent. At times I do believe she regretted teaching us this. She taught us how to love and be accepting of others and the importance of doing our best. I only have two children, is it easier with more I think in some ways yes and other ways no. I do commend any woman who has given birth or have adopted a child to love and cherish and are still doing so when the child is ranting and raving about how "Life isn't fair". I admire women who take other children in so that they too can know what "Love" is. I look up to those women who do not take crap from anyone, because they know they deserve better. I congratulate women who have defeated the odds when the odds keep telling her it is "impossible". In short I am glad that I am a woman and have so many role models. My hope is to one day be my, Mom.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I surrender and trust

Guidance for today: uncertainty surrounds my day: New Love, Body Care & Focus

Cloud clearing

Interestingly enough, my fog does have to do with the exercise I am doing. I haven't been eating sugary things and my brain operates off of sugar. I did a test today, every time I eat or drink something sugary the fog clears. Hummmmm, what a dilemma. Do I keep Snickers on hand to feed the fog or do I eat fruit? Ewww can I do both? I promise I will alternate them. Speaking of which it is time to feed it, so that I don't go into a deep fog. There is much to do. I surrender & trust.

Today's Guidance is : Truth & Integrity, Signs (unsure), Healing

P.S. the battery in my cordless mouse has died, now I am forced to use the mouse attached to my laptop. My brain hasn't adjusted to the mouse not being there I keep reaching for it. Weird.

In congruent

My thoughts are still fragmented and in congruent. I feel as if I could benefit from a long winters nap. Usually when this happens I know what is causing it, such as a neg. or an energy vampire has attached itself, it takes me a day to get rid of it and a day to recover. This time though I don't sense either one of those. I think it has more to do with my body adjusting to all the exercise it is doing. I mean seeming how I have been doing the "insanity" workout for a couple of weeks my body is now rebelling. Does this mean I will stop? Nope, I will move through it, because I also know that I am causing this to test my commitment of completing what I started. I am hoping to snap out of it soon. As for the guidance yesterday the "retreat" was obviously beneficial, I did find Freedom in doing so. When you can not think straight it is rather difficult to have any expectations. The day goes on as you move through the motions. As surprising as this sounds, the day seems to go smoother when my thoughts are out of whack. All my inner parts can not argue as much do to the fact neither one is making any sense. I am rambling so I will move on.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for Today: Serenity (unsure), Divine Timing, & Self Acceptance

Retreat

My guidance for today is to Retreat (unsure), Study(know the reason for this) and Power (unsure). I am really tired today and could benefit from a Retreat, however I have a lot to accomplish between now and Saturday. My friend Jaymi is here visiting, but will be working mostly during the day. I am glad to have her here. I have many thoughts for today, except i received very little sleep last night do to muscles cramping and thinking through the process for teaching a class on Saturday. I brain fragmented. Hence again the retreat. I will retreat then as I do not want to be put into "Pause".

I Surrender & Trust.

Playfullness

Do you ever have one of those days where you are in a sarcastic, playful and teasing mood? It happens when you have playful conversations with complete strangers. You tease the clerk at the grocery store and they tease you back. You make an off handed comment to the assistant at Home Depot about "Shaking up the Paint", and he banters right back. I love those days. It reminds me of my childhood and the friendly bantering I did with my older brothers and my little sister. I watch and listen to my own children as they attempt do this, for example my daughter told my son "I was hoping for a little brother and end up with an older one, look how that turned out." I realize she is 8 and will get better with time. On the other hand when her brother attempts the same comment she falls apart, big tears and wants to know "how come he is so mean to her?". Again, another fond memory of my little sister and her response to our brothers teasing her. The old saying is "It is all fun and games until some one gets hurt", my question is were is the line of friendly bantering and bulling? My son says he is bullied a lot at school, however when I question him about said "bulling" what he describes to me are kids being kids and testing their own "bantering" skills. When I point out his bantering out and ask are you being a bully or playing? He gets all defensive. Would some one please explain to me the difference?

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance today is: Truth & Integrity (unsure), Freedom, Manifestation