Putting Off

Did you know there is a difference between procrastinating, avoiding and putting things off. I have discovered that the difference is the level of emotional irritation or discomfort one may have to endure when following through on whatever it is you are attempting to "Avoid, procrastinate or putting off". Example: Putting up a fence, planting flowers, weeding, finishing the basement are all things that I put off. Reason being is the minute I think about them a recognize that there is a lot of work involved, not to mention, time and money. Hum mm, not into doing it right now so I think about them, and that is the extent of it. Laundry; this is an on going avoidance for me, I am aware that it has to be done, I avoid doing it as it doesn't ever seem to be done. It is like the Mary Poppins bag, every time I reach in the hamper there is something to be pulled out. However if I look into it there doesn't seem to be that much there. Grocery shopping is a procrastination, I think about and think about the time and money involved of having to do it and than decide we have enough food and supplies to survive, this isn't necessary to do right this minute. Which two days later, I am asked if I would be getting milk any time soon. This in turn forces me to do it as I now have a mutiny pending.

I believe most things start as a "Put off", which than becomes an "Avoidance", in the end it because an emotional "Ahhhhh" that moves it to "Procrastination" it is when the emotional "Ahhhh" becomes an "Oh Sh*#" that you move into action.

This may not be the case for you, however this is the truth for me. Hence the reason for my not writing yesterday as I put it off. I also avoid the guidance my angels gave me on Wednesday. Now, I am facing that "Ahhh" which put me into action.

I surrender and trust

Today's guidance: Playfulness (unsure), Divine Timing, Balance (I am aware of this, currently rectifying it)

Giving

What are you willing to give up? This is a question my instructors, mentors and professors continually ask. What are you willing to give up to gain what you want? In truth I think it all depends on what it is I want, I will gladly give up $25 for a great pair of shoes. Not so sure I would give up $50 though. When I was first asked this I thought it had to be something that was tangible, over the years I have learned tangible things are easier to give up than say old habits. For example I gave up sleeping in until 7:00 am every morning to develop better physical health. I had to develop "mind over mattress" which I am pretty sure you can understand. There are little things we will gladly give up to help someone out, such as I gave my old shoes to my mom so she can give them to "Shoes for Africa". I will give up time and money to help a cause I believe in. What lengths would you go to? I am completely humbled by what my friend has given up, I consider myself a generous person, I believe if asked to I would give up my life. However, my friend made a decision a year ago to donate a kidney and yesterday she did. She is perfectly healthy and wanted to give someone else the opportunity to be health also. She didn't do it because she knew the person, nor for the attention she may receive from doing so, she gave it up for her genuine desire to help others. She has had many individuals criticize her for doing this telling her "well now she will only have one good kidney, what happens if that one fails. " This is a risk she is willing to take. Is this something I would or could ever do? At this moment I would say no, who knows what tomorrow or the future brings I may change that answer. I have such complete admiration for her and commend her for the strength she had to follow through. Honestly, it makes my "mind over mattress" seem so small, but I know that it isn't an less difficult to follow through.
I Surrender & Trust

Today's guidance: Power (unsure), Surrender & release, New Beginnings

Idea's & inspiration

How is it when you go outside with the intention of working in the yard that the sun feels so good, you find yourself asleep. I woke up a half hour later, with the bottom half of my legs sunburned. I had a jacket on so my arms didn't get any. I hope I am not developing that disorder that you fall asleep anywhere at any time. Maybe I have programmed myself to fall asleep when I go outside, to stop me from doing yard work. Dang, I really would like to clean up my flower beds. Plus I have big plans for my yard, I can not afford to sleep every time I go out there to do work. Besides, I love being outside when the sun is shinning and there is a light breeze. I am always cold so the sun feels really good. I will work on changing this habit. On a lighter note, Bryan came home for lunch yesterday which was really nice. I don't recall any outstanding idea's or inspired thoughts yesterday, I do recall the conversation with my good friend Kimberly and how she helped me move through my own concerns. Last night though I watched parts of "Conversations about God" with Bryan. I have to say that Freud was one screwed up dude. Some of his ideas have merit, but mostly that dude would benefit from seeing a shrink or witch doctor. Maybe he was possessed. C.S. Lewis seemed to have his stuff together, except for the fact that he didn't really get to experience life due to his own self restrictions. It is always interesting to hear others take on God, source or the none God believers. No matter who you are you do draw strength from some where, so where does it come from? That's all I am saying.

I Surrender & Trust

Today's Guidance is: Study(unsure), Freedom, & Abundance

Women over 40

I broke down and had my hair done professionally. It has been about nine months sense I had it done (yes this is a confession). The grey is no longer grey it is white which stands out really well in contrast to my black hair. While getting my hair done, I was tested on speaking my truth. It is always interesting to see individuals reaction once I tell them what I do. It is a cross between confusion and disbelief. Both I can deal with, in all honest I believe I would have the same reaction. That is not what I wanted to talk about though, I wanted to talk about a woman who was in the chair across from me ranting and raving about a wide variety of things, the two that caught my attention where, her view on men and women over 40. Let me start with men, her car required a tune-up she took it to an to an ex-boyfriend (not to mention that she is in a relationship) who insisted that she not pay him. They compromised and she took him to dinner. During this dinner he kept telling her how bad he wanted her back and all the horrible things he did, he wouldn't do again if she would only come back to him, he is lost and miserable. She finally left him at the restaurant telling him to take a cab home. She went on to say how bad she felt for him, he is a nice guy but she is happy with whom she is with now. Which leads into her type of men. This is brief; he must have a job, be nice and have his own vehichle, (could be me but doesn't Ted Bundy fit this discription?) Any how she and the hairdresser bashed men for a bit, than went onto descripe that some of the men they had dated went for women who wore tight t-shirts and short jeans. That same woman made the comment "Women over forty look horrible, with their fake boobs, died hair and tight t-shirts. They should face the fact that they are older and move on." The lady doing my hair asked her how old she is, the women replied she was 31. Hence, the reason it is okay for her to have the "hot pink" stripes being put in her hair and she can wear the spaghetti strap tank top and short jeans. This woman went onto ragding about how her mom is in here 50's and trying to reclaim her youth. She is embarrassed that her mom is wearing these cloths, has stripes in her hair and is listening to "Teeny boober" music cranked up. That is not what a woman of her age should be doing. Hopping from club to club picking up guys is not healthy.
I listened to this for two hours. Those are the highlights, I am concerned though and not because I am approaching her cut off age to be youthful, but because she can not see her mom as a woman and that I do hope her mom has a longer list of qualifications for the guys she is picking up. A couple of weeks ago I write about we allow people to define who we are, now I am writing about how we maybe creating individuals into what we think they should be, so we won't have to be uncomfortable with the truth. I applaud her mom for what she is doing, I may not agree, but hey at least she isn't allowing her daughter to dictact to her what she should be. Look at Demi Moore, she's 50, but as my husband pointed out she is an acception to the rule. What I want to know is who made that rule. Okay I will quit rambling.

I Surrender & Trust

My guidance for today is Nature (unsure), Soul Mate, and Ideas & Inspiration (unsure)

Taking a day

Morning routine. How does this get started? Before I drank coffee how did I ever start my day? Before I had kids what made me get out of bed? I know I got out of bed on Saturday's purely to watch Saturday cartoons. Now, I can watch them 24-7.
Be brave was my guidance for Wednesday, I was brave I got out of bed and started a whole new day of adventure. So much so I had to take a day yesterday to regroup. I attended a Jordan Area Women in Business luncheon on Wednesday that was very informative. It was on recycling and what I found out is you can not recycle anything but whole pieces of paper, cans, water bottles, some plastic containers and that I lied about the pizza carton. You can not recycle any of it. My friend Karen told me to keep my angels to myself so she could win the raffle prize. Well, my angels took that as a challenge and rewarded me with two raffle prizes. I am still laughing about that. My daughter is now off track. I am excited for the next three weeks of entertaining a "drama queen". I spoke with my sister about this and we decided we were never "drama queens" we could be very dramatic, but not ever a "drama queen" purely because neither one of us would put up with it. Example: on my day off yesterday I took my daughter shopping. I spent 45 minutes in Old Navy's dressing room witnessing a fashion show. I didn't have to say a thing, my daughter would give a discription of why or why not the particular garment would work. In the end I bought her one t-shirt. Needless to say we only went to two stores, before I had to be home for my son. I took a nap once we got home. I know I maybe rambling today and that's okay because I spoke with the writer and she said she would do better at being discriptive.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is:Be Brave, You Found it (unsure), Speak Your Truth (unsure)

New Adventure

The scene being shot for today is one with a group of amazing women. The motive is to mingle and learn from these women. The topic will be on is re-cycling the correct way. Did you know the only thing that can be recycled on a pizza box is the bottom? The top usually has grease and cheese on it so it negates it. The weather is building up for a storm and which is also building up for tomorrow's thriller shot.

Okay, I wanted to test out my "director", it maybe beneficial to have the writer be more descriptive on how the scene will play out. I will have a discussion with her later today.

As for my guidance yesterday, Animals: I saw geese, a robin tried to attack me, my cat followed me everywhere and my friend told me about her new dog "Maggie". I was unsure about my optimism as Tuesday tends to be a crazy day and when other things show up to add to it, such as my son locking himself out of the house, shortly after I left. I wonder if I will make it through the day without harming myself or my children. In the end I did forgive myself for all the things I didn't achieve and reminded myself that today is another day. Therefor, it will be an "New Adventure".

I Surrender & Trust

My guidance for today is: Steady Progress, Signs from above (unsure), Be Brave

Learning curve

Have you ever had a weekend that was so exhausting that you thought if the rest of your week was going to be like that you would like to crawl in bed and stay there until it's over. Well, my weekend was exhausting and my body has not forgiven me for the yard work I did, nor for the torture I continue to put it through doing "Insanity". My hips pop now, my shoulders burn and my lower back refuses to bend. Enough complaining, okay maybe not, but I will attempt to move on. I apologize for not writing yesterday, my head was in such a "pthw", I didn't make sense to anyone except the clients I meet with. At one point last night my daughter commented to me "Mom, what did you say, I didn't understand a word you said." that to me was validation.

I am in a better place today thankfully to my good friend Jaymi who took me through steps of reminding me that I am the "director" of my movie. (I question whether it is a Sci-Fi/love/thriller/comedy kind of movie). Today has already began as an adventure, first step was getting out of bed. Which reminds me I dreamt that my family and I went to Australia to the Winter Games. Does Australia even get snow? Any how, I had the add drama of an 8 year old preparing for her "Wax Museum" performance. Right now I am enjoying the silent rhythm of silence.

My guidance for today is Forgiveness (unsure, but feel as if I already accomplished this), Animals, & Optimism (unsure)

I Surrender & Trust! Now I am off to continue on my adventure.

Really

Accident prone would be my middle name if I had one. I come by it honestly, my mother has it, my sisters have it, even my children have it. It is a blessing and a curse really. I have accepted it as a part of who I am. Recently, I did discover some the reasons I maybe so accident prone. Think back to last week when I changed my intention to look like a Victoria Secret model to Jennifer Garner in Elektra. Once again I didn't specify that I didn't want all the cuts and bruises. I have remedied that. I would like to look like Jennifer Garner in Elekrta pre-fights. I am in hopes that this will stop the unnecessary bodily injury. In the past week I have acquired three bruises, cut my hand, and twisted my ankle. Yesterday alone, I cut my finger doing jumping jacks (don't ask), was attacked by the laundry basket (which cut up my right arm) and rammed my knee into my couch. This morning I have ran into the bedroom door frame three times, its a wonder I haven't a bruise on my head. I believe my wise decision from yesterday is to change my intention. The signs from above are me injuring myself. I get it. I surrender!!! Not to mention the animals. My dog followed me everywhere yesterday and my cat kept sitting in my lap. I truly benefited from their protective energy.

I also trust. Here is to a wonderful injury free weekend. Whoop whoop.

Guidance for today: Activist, You are a Leader (unsure), Child

Surrender

How many of us truly know what surrender means? I for one said it alot. It wasn't until my friend Kimberly challenged me to find out about surrender. We agreed to do it together. We gave ourselves 6 months to master it. Unfortunately, in the first 6 months we discovered we missed a step. In order to surrender you have to "Trust". I thought I was a trusting person, in fact at times my husband would tease me about being to trusting. It was in those 6 months of (what I thought was) "surrender" that I learned about what "Trust" is. I came up with the idea if I found the word "trust" it would remind me to do so. Every where I went I looked for it. I found "Truth", "Faith", "Hope", "Trust God". I couldn't ever find "Trust". It was while I was shopping with my daughter and she said to me "Mom, why can you not find Trust?" I stopped dead in my tracks. This brought tears to my eyes (still does),

"Because, I am looking for it" was my reply. This of course truly confused her. A very length conversation followed which I will not go into it at this time. Needless to say I stopped looking for it and I found it. I know what "Trust" means for me. T-totally, R-relying, U- utterly, on S-spiritual, T- timing. Knowing this has helped me learn how to "Surrender"(that story I will save for another day.) At the end of everyday I ask myself. How did I experience "Trust" today?

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Wise Decision, Animals, Signs from Above (unsure)

Healing

Who needs to heal? I hurt every where. My knees are swollen, my shoulders feel weighed down and my hips keep popping. Oh the joys of exercise. The title of the program is correct "Insanity". No wonder I pulled the "Healing" card. I am changing my body and it would like time to heal. It will have to wait until Sunday as that is the only day off. Despite all my aches I do feel pretty good. As for stress as usual I try to fit more than would be wise into one day. I was told to "retreat" so what do I do fill the day up with no time to take a "retreat" I am taking one today though so I don't get into trouble. Although I did give myself permission to take my midterm today, that may cause a little stress. I feel confident about it though.

I am questioning the guidance I was given for today, I exercised, danced and walked yesterday, not to mention all the driving. But today is all about moving, hmmm maybe I have the days backwards. Oh well, I surrender & trust.

Today's Guidance: Animals, Move, & Play music

Foot loose & fancy free

Some days don't you just want to through caution to the wind, jump into every puddle you see, eat dessert before or rather than dinner, not clean up after yourself (in every sense of the word)? I like to call this attitude the "rebel" archetype. Not to be confused with the inner child. The "rebel" is the one that comes out when you feel the urge to punch your boss in the nose, trip a co-worker, play solitaire instead of writing the memo. For me when the "rebel" shows up I recognize that I am taking things way to serious and that I am pushing to hard. I have shared the experience of what happens to me when I push to hard. I get put into "time out" or "Pause" and you all know how much I love that. I have begun documenting when the "rebel" shows up, how soon after am I put into "time out". It isn't long. So, now that I have this information I am beginning a new experiment I am hoping this will prevent me from being put into "time out". When I have the sudden urge to kick the dog, because she walked by I tell myself that I may benefit more from turning up the radio and singing my heart out. Another example is on the way home from a meeting this morning I saw a pedestrian looking like she was going to dart across the street right in front of me and my thought was "I dare you ." I took the position of a bumper car driver, elbows out and squinty eyes. It was at this point, I thought "what would you do if you actually hit her." "Freak out" was my response. From this conversation I realized what I really wanted to do was have a good "Freak out", so rather than creating a very unhealthy reason to. I screamed really loud, it made my throat hurt. I must say I feel a ton better. I recommend you try it. For me this is a better way of "rebelling".

I surrender and trust.

Guidance for today is: Retreat, Stress Management (unsure), Healing (unsure)

Stress Managment

There are many ways to handle stress management, breathing, relaxation, pressure points etc. I was unsure about what I was stressed about when I pulled the "stress management" card. I generally do not feel stress, the clue for me is a screaming neck ache which then turns into a migraine. I wasn't feeling these signs, so again I was unsure. I had mentioned it would be beneficial for me to do some grocery shopping so, I headed out after much procrastination. It was while I was lolli-gagging through store that I recalled an appoint I had at 1 or was it 1:30. I looked at my phone and the time said 12:28 Oh dear, I hurried and called the lady I was to meet to clarify the time, it was to be 1:30 however she was running early and would be able to make it there by 1:00. I told her I would be there at 1:15 which gave me 45 minutes to check-out (not finish shopping) get home unload the groceries and drive the 20 minutes to get there. I made it with two minutes to spare and I managed to get there before her. That isn't my point, my point is how quickly we can create a stressful situation. I might add that I have yet to finish my grocery shopping. I feel relieved to know what I was going to be stressed about. I may have been able to prevent this had I looked at my calendar to remind me. Lesson learned. Be mindful of days events before throwing extras in. The weekend was full of exciting moments and adventures. I am grateful to all those I share my life with as they provide a constant learning environment.

I am taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I have all the time I need.

Today's guidance is: Wise Decision, Healing and Commitment

I surrender & trust

Higher Education

Do you know there are days that I feel I have learned so much that my brain is going to explode, while other days I wish I had a brain as it isn't working. During a session yesterday I was given some information which had me questioning what I was doing. Than I remembered "Don't Compromise." I told my client the information the reaction I got from this client was one of "are you crazy". All I could say was "please don't shoot the messenger." For me education is about two things. Not all information given through me, do I have to keep for myself. Second don't question what I am being told. This I feel may be a lesson I will be reminded of. It is human nature, I will question that which I do not understand. I also have to remember I do not have to understand it all right now or I can learn more before it will make sense. I say that alot when working with clients and at times I feel like a broken record, it is important for me to know that he/she does understand what he/she is being told as how will they know the answer to their question. In all honesty it has been confusing to me. I am learning though and I am grateful for that.

Today's Guidance is: Pray. Stress management (unsure), Steady Progress (hmm, have I had this card before?)

I Surrender & Trust

Neglecting

How do you know if you are neglecting something or someone? Neglect comes in all sorts of levels & shapes. For example the laundry pile, if you do it once a month because its only you than no big deal. If you do it once a month when there is more than three of you problems begin to appear. All of you run out of clean clothes, a wonderful odor takes over the home & others start to complain. Which in turn irritates you cause if they want clean clothes what is stopping them from doing it themselves (okay so he is only 5, he will have to learn some day). My point is this, neglect may start out small, eventually it will grow bigger if you don't do something about it. Yes, I am feeling guilty for something I neglected. I could make this in to how horrible a daughter I am, but I am choosing to take the high road and recognize that I neglected to call and invite my Mother over for Easter dinner. I "assumed" (yep, now I am paying for it), that she went over to my sister's. I spoke with my sister and she thought our Mother went to our other sister's. Long story short, neither of us called to ask. At this point I still do not know what my Mother did for Easter. I have learned that my siblings and I might benefit from creating a "custody" program so this doesn't happen again or ever.

See how the angels reminded me of my neglect. "Great now I have guilt." JK.

Thank you angels for reminding me to take care of what matters most.

Guidance for Today is: Higher Education (unsure), Don't Compromise, Steady Progress (unsure)

P.S. I change my intention of looking like a Victoria Secret model to Jennifer Garner in Elektra.

I Surrender & Trust

Insanity

Just for the record, I would like to protest. I would also like to give you a word of caution. If you recall (or if you don't you can look back on my intention it is listed in one of my postings for early this year.) I set the intention to look like a Victoria Secret Model. I realize now the error of this intention, partly because I didn't not specify which Victoria Secret Model. Angels have a great sense of humor & are teaching me a lesson on being more specific. A couple of weeks ago I saw an infomercial on an exercise program that looked great. I recorded it (forgot about it) until my husband asked me what kind of movies I watched as the title was "Insane Sexy Bodies", just for that I made him sit down and watch it. He was hooked too. Two days later we had the "Insanity" exercise program. We began it last Saturday. Let me tell you, I barely made it through the "fit test". I realize I am not in the best of shape hence the intention of looking like a Victoria Secret Model. I thought (first mistake) hey, if I set that intention I will be motivated to do so. After the workout on yesterday I realized my second mistake. I never said if I wanted to be a "dead" Model. I hurt in places I forgot I had. Don't get me wrong, I love it. It pushes me to endure. I have to also admit, I am pretty dang creative. Sunday we didn't work out (Easter), Monday we had to do a different workout as the DVD didn't work. Just for the hell of it, I made it so six out of the 13 DVDs won't play on our DVD player. Therefor, I can only do what some may call the easy ones. I am proud of myself though. I am sticking to it and I may become "Insane" from doing the same DVDs over & over. But dag nabit if I can look like a "dead" Victoria Secret Model in the end I believe I would still have accomplished my intention. Moral of the story: be more specific when setting an intention.

Guidance for Today: Mother, I Found It (who knew), Signs from Above.

I Surrender & Trust

Emotions

I am emotional which can be misinterpreted as Bi-polar. I have learned to maintain a positive emotional level though. I am not saying that getting angry is bad, in fact it is rather healthy. It is when you choose to hold onto that anger for days, months, or even years that it is unhealthy. Which leads into feeding your emotions. I asked how to do this yesterday, here is the answer. Let me explain, emotions feed off of thoughts unless you have learned the skill of having your thoughts feed off your emotions. Believe me there is a difference. You will notice the difference by the way you react. Ok I went off on a tangent, back to feeding emotions, if you are an angry person, you will find things that will constantly reinforce(feeding) that anger. If you are a happy person you will share it by going around smiling at others who will than smile back (food). It is quite amazing. Feel free to practice "feasting emotionally". It is Easter weekend a great time to practice this. My guidance yesterday was to be aware of any emotions that would trigger irritation. Which had surfaced on Wednesday. I don't want to hang onto it, therefor I was guided to be aware of ways I may attracted "food" to support that emotion.

Do you have an emotion that you continually feed? Is a good or negative one? How do you feed it?

Guidance for today is: Wise Decision, Commitment, Pray (unsure)

I Surrender & Trust

Healthy Eating

This is something I continually struggle with. I do not have an appetite, most of the time I forget to eat. It isn't until my husband or children tell me that they are hungry that I realize I am too. My body stores fat to survive. I believe this is a genetic trait combined with learned behavior. My mother is the same way. My idea of "healthy eating" is actually eating. I have eaten three meals in two days. I am doing great. In addition to that I have been drinking water. When I get this guidance it usually means to take better care of myself. I believe the more I practice this the stronger I feel emotionally. Which leads me to how do you feed yourself emotionally?

Today's Guidance is: Blessings of Abundance, Emotions, Signs from Above

I Surrender & Trust