Fog

Clouds on a clear day. Yesterday was a beautiful day. The sun felt so good. There were several times I wanted to sit and bask in it. Alas, I was unable to, due to commitments. As a result, my head felt like I had drank a dose of cold medicine. You know that fuzzy, warm, disconnected feeling. Thus being the reason I didn't write yesterday, I couldn't create a coherent thought, unless I was with a client. I still have the residual affects today. I can not wait for it to clear.

I must tell you of an experience I had on Tuesday, the preface to this is I have asked (my guides to help me find) a hoody that has Angel wings, non-black with a zipper in the front. Interestingly enough sense asking I have been told in various ways to go to Big Papa's. I have a coupon for there that keeps following me around, my friend asked me if I had heard about it, I have heard three radio commercials and my husband made a point to ask about the coupon. This said, I went shopping with my Mother (on Tuesday). We went to Gardner Village,wandered through, "Aunt Elsie's", Anastasia's Attic than to lunch. I decided while we where eating lunch to head over to Glover Nursery. I am looking to improve my backyard. As I headed there I noticed Big Papa's (it is in a very obscure location). My thought was there it is I should go there. End of thought and continued on. Found all sorts of fun things at Glover, wandered through had a very helpful sales person tell me about Boxwood's vs Dogwoods, after an hour of browsing I purchased some plants and than I proceeded to take my Mom home. Boom, this same road we came on is now blocked, I can not turn right on it. My mom tells me to turn right anyway, which made me chuckle. She than said "Maybe you can pull through the gas station." I informed her this was illegal, she argued the point. She hadn't ever heard that, when did it became illegal. I stayed where I was waiting for the light so we could go forward. It was than I realized I was going past "Big Papa's again" I felt the urge to pull in there. I also felt this was the reason for the road block. I immediately felt panic as my mom was with me and I knew this store would make her very uncomfortable (it's attached to a cigar shop) I drove past it. Ever sense than I have felt I missed an opportunity. There was someone in there I was to meet. I know that was a long story, but I wanted to acknowledge that I felt I had failed, but trust that another opportunity will arise. What I also wonder is, by not acting on this opportunity, is this the reason I am in a fog?

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today: Be Brave, Animals, Safe Travel

Anger

My son informed me that he is like me, he can not stay mad. One of his friends treated unkindly at lunch, he was angry at the time, but by the middle of his class after lunch he was over it. He kept thinking of ways this friend wasn't nice and all the things he had done to him so he could hold on to his anger. Still by the end of the class he was over it. He came home and took his frustration our on me, because he has "inherited" this ability from me. I have to chuckle because this is so far from the truth. He was in anger management classes by the time he was 6. Granted he doesn't see me become angry very often. This is an emotion I have removed, not because it is a bad one, but because I receive no benefit from it. I do feel it, however it isn't an emotion I latch on to. There are various emotional levels that lead up to anger so once I feel one of those emotions I know when to acknowledge and defuse. For me it usually begins with annoyed, than moves into frustration, once it hits frustration if I don't acknowledge it it turns into irritability, by the time I am irritated things get interesting. I notice I develop an eye twitch. This lets me know that I am storing it rather than acknowledging it. Once I notice the eye twitch and I haven't done anything to defuse it I will feel "anxious and bitchy" and begin to lash out. If I still haven't done anything to defuse it, my body has two lines of defenses before it becomes Angry. It shuts down (mentally) or I become exhausted (from all that storing). Interestedly enough though, this can all transpire in minutes or days. I release the anger I feel by growling. I know that sounds corny, but hay it works. Once I growl, I feel better and move on. There have been only three times in my life that I allowed anger to take complete hold. It scared the hell out of me, and those that witnessed it. Fortunately or unfortunately there is only one person still alive that has witnessed it, my husband. To give you a visual, the sense from Lord of the Rings: Fellowship, where the white elf talks about taking the ring and "all will bow to her and worship her" she looks completely possessed. Ya, that would be what I felt like. So, you see anger isn't something I like to feel. I honestly am proud that my son has learned that it isn't good to hold on to anger. Irritation and frustration are better motivators. If you are unsure about how you feel anger, I challenge you to learn.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is : Forgiveness, Triumphant, Peaceful

Living

How are we living life? Are we living it for ourselves or are we living it so that others will be accepting? Are we living it to take care of everyone else but ourselves? I am constantly asked "How can I live my life without feeling guilty or selfish?" My answer is "What is selfish"? When you have your definition you will than be able to decide. As for the guilt you feel, this is an emotion that our elders used to keep us in line (still works) because we allow it to. This is also how we continue the circle by using it on others. In my early twenties I had a boss that was a wise man. I truly admire and respect him for all he taught me. How not to feel guilty was one of them. He use to tease me endlessly about it. He would put me into situations where I would feel large amounts of guilt and then he would teach me how to turn it around. I would go into more detail, but I ramble enough as it is. His favorite saying to me was "Guilt is a useless emotion and it only benefits those who are inflecting it on you." I understand what he is saying and to a point I agree however the "Useless" part I disagree with. To me this is a check-in. Once you feel guilt it reminds you who has the power. Obviously, not you?

I had a growing weekend. I meet new people and with stood their judgement and how I make them uncomfortable. I respect that and understand how I do. Trust me there are days I make me uncomfortable. This is my life and I chose to live it this way for now, two-twenty minutes from now I may decide to add. For now I am at peace and loving who am I.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for Today is: Mother, Don't Compromise, Healing

Heaven is Watching

My day started out as usual, chaos and excitement. Which consisted of taking my daughter and her friends to school on the way there I noticed my car making a different noise and it smelled funny. I prayed that I would be able to get her and her friends to school and I would get home with no trouble. I did. I had a client and home and a friend took me to get my hair cut so I didn't get to fixing my car until late afternoon. I took it to Tunex where they too could smell the smell and but couldn't identify where it was coming from. They where very helpful. They didn't charge me anything either. I am so grateful that the Heavens where watching. My car is no longer acting fun and the smell is gone.

I am unsure what I have done because today my guidance is Higher Education (unsure), PAUSE, and Vision

I Surrender & Trust

I also look forward to what I will be learning.

Pay it Forward continued

Okay, here is my opinion on how Pay it Forward works. When you feel inspired to do something nice for someone else (wether you know them or not) and expect nothing in return. It's a game in which there are no losers. Your action is a mirror for your emotion of gratitude. You are grateful for what you have and are, so you share it with others. It is when you act on the whisper telling you to smile at a perfect stranger, give the waitress a bigger tip, assisting a mom with getting all her groceries to her car. Because we have all had a day where we feel we are on our last rope and one persons acted on that whisper to help us in some small way, we were able to regain a stronger hold.

The difference between Paying it Forward and doing a good deed is that with Pay it Forward (when doing it correctly) you do it at the spur of the moment. A good deed is something you have thought about and planned. Example: I am going to buy someone a soda today vs. you see a stranger standing in line at the grocery store counting his/her money to see if they have enough money to pay for the loaf of bread and milk they are carrying. You hear the whisper of help them out. You act on that whisper, walk away with the feeling and knowlege that maybe you helped them out in some small way. Having no thought or judgement of how they will react to your helping them out.

Again this is only my opinion.

I Surrender & Trust.

Today's guidance is: Be Brave, Heaven is Watching you (unsure), Optimism

Pay it Forward

This is a great concept and I truly believe in it. I was unaware of some concerns I have with it until I attended a luncheon today with a speaker that spoke about the reasons we should do it, how we would benefit from it and how it has benefited others. Holy smokes.

I now have a screaming headache so I will stop writing. If I am allowed to I will continue this thought tomorrow.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Safe travel, Sweetness (unsure), Signs from above (headache)

Orange juice

I love orange juice. It is like a little ray of sunshine in a cup. Yesterday was an amazing day. I was able to get tons done. Including meditation. I did have a spiritual growth experience and now that I am thinking about it I can not recall the details other than I felt warm all over and excited about what I had learned. Wow, just got a chill which confirms what I wrote. Back to the orange juice, as I was pouring a glass of it this morning I had this thought about how great orange juice is. I can not drink a lot of it as my stomach doesn't tolerate acidic stuff. I do drink a glass as often as I can. It helps fight colds, bad moods, allergies and PMS. How much of that is true, I do not really know, I do know that, that's what I believe it does. Because honestly who can be in a bad mood after drinking a glass of orange juice. Even seeing it in a cup on a rainy, cloudy day like today tends to brighten it up a bit. I recommend you drink a class at least once a week and test my theory.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Speak My Truth (unsure), Healthy Eating, Safe travel.