Avoid Part 3

It is now 5:00 pm and I feel exhausted. I am meeting up with my friend so we can go to a "Pamper Party". I was excited to go, now I am beginning to dread it. Rooms full of people and people touching me. Yeah not a good thing with my track record so far.

More deep breaths and grounding, then add my new mantra "I can do this, I can do this", "You know these people and how they affect you, so you will be okay." "What about the new people and the ladies doing the pedicure's, waxing, massages etc?" "You find your safe spot and be fantastic. Plus, Michelle is with you as back-up".
I meet Michelle at Target and we headed to my other friends home. It surprised me that I kept turning down the wrong street. This proved to me I was not functioning properly. We finally arrived, I introduced Michelle to my friends and found my safe spot. Still feeling dizzy and light headed I leaned up against the counter in my friends basement, next to a waterfacet.

And the blocks begin, I can not formulate the correct wording.

Will attempt again tomorrow.

I surrender & trust

Avoiding Part 2

Second step into battle.

After my client left, a friend and I meet to go to my niece's baby shower. I was still feeling the effects of an attack, the residual fear and anxiety from the two individuals that had shown up in my office. I couldn't think straight or feel anything but those emotions unil friend and her fear of meeting my in-laws showed up. I had to make a conscience effort to stay focused on where I was going even though I hadn't a clue where this house was. I am grateful that we arrived safely and the only damage that occurred was me taking the rivets off of the bottom of my car when I pulled into a drive-way that was rather high. Before I left the car I took several cleansing breaths to ground me and clear my thoughts.

It was a two-story brick and siding home with beautiful front and back yard. Balloons hung everywhere announcing where the shower was to be. Hurray, it was to be held outside, I could sit with my shoes off and not have to worry about being in a room full of hormones. (That's all I need to add to the emotional party I already have going on.)Only, downside I could see was I would be required to go in to get food. I greeted everyone, introduced them to my friend and choose a place to stand away from most of the people, but close enough to hold a conversation. (This is a self defence mechanism I developed being married to someone who is a tad paranoid. You can see who is coming and going if you are facing the entrance and your back is protected with a wall, friend or other solid object.) I have found this technique to be very beneficial. I can sense people as they come in and know who to help, protect myself from and whom to avoid any physical contact with. Note: I do not do this to be anti-social, a snob, or uncaring. I do this purely out of self defense and protection. ( I shall explain more of this at another time)
All was going well, I visited with family and my friend. Than it hit me, a wave of dizziness. I took a couple of deep breaths and told my friend I was getting some food. I stumbled into the house hoping that if I got food it alleviate the dizziness. First I had to get through the mountain of people in the house. I talked myself out of a panic attack by clarifying "That there were not a mountain of people in there only 4. With the possibility of more coming in. If I was quick I would be okay." Made it in and trapped myself in the kitchen. Everyone else was on the outside of the counter and only one person in the kitchen, safe place? wrong, now I can not get out. "Focus on the food and lite conversation. Focus on the food & lite conversation" became my mantra. With what seemed to be an hour I finally made it back outside to a sunny/shady spot. The dizziness was getting worse. I sat down and begin to eat. The dizziness let up a little as I ate, but never fully went away, which let me know that I was under attack again. "Seriously, why can I not be left alone?" was my first thought. I won't type the second and third thoughts as I am attempting to keep this "PG". Any how, I realize I am getting into an unsafe zone, but how do you politely tell your friend and relatives that you have to leave NOW or may I borrow your garden hose for a moment or two, I only want to walk in it; Without coming across as being rude and abrasive or even worse weird. Either way I would end up having to explain my actions, and I don't believe that any of them want to hear my reasons. I said my goodbye's saying we had to be to another party. My friend and I left. Before we got into our separate cars we discussed where we would meet to ride together to the next party. When she headed to her car I noticed the neighbors had their sprinklers on.I about did a jigg right there. I headed right over to them and found the nearest puddle to walk through. All the while praying that my friend didn't see what I was doing. After doing this I felt better. I jumped into my car asking for more protection and guidance as we headed to the next party.

I shall share that tomorrow.

FYI: Types of attacks that I experience & how they effect me.

Leeches: I call them this, because this is what they remind me of because they latch on to me and hold on for dear life. That is what they take from me, they suck my life force from me. You call this energy. When this happens I become extremely tired, my thought process is out of wack (like it needs any assistance) and I have a screaming headache.

Vampires: These are individuals that have become disconnected from their own soul that they will feed off of anyone. Thing with these though they can be a human, animal or spirit. I have similar effects with these guys as I do with leeches. However with leeches it feels like I am being sucked on like you would a straw. With Vampires it is an automatic drain. It can take less then a minute. Because of how quick it happens. First sign is dizziness, than weak.

Emotional: I carry a happy disposition. Which is like a beacon of light for lost, angry, unhappy, distraught, frightened, anxious, upset, nervous, depressed & wondering souls/individuals. (I am sure there are more that I attract however I didn't want the list to go on forever.) Best way to explain it is that extra perky person you meet, that gets on your nerves so much you want to punch them? Yea it's like that except, it is with your emotions not your thoughts. If you are having a bad day and I run into you, you will pretend that you are doing okay and all, however the emotions that are jumping and slamming into me tell me a whole different story. I therefore, take on your unwanted emotions so that you can function. Yes I can choose whether or not to take it on, however,this is were the attack part comes in some of you are sneaky and will attach it to me like a leech and bam I've got it now. Now imagine everyone in the room doing the same thing. This is the reason I avoid large groups.

Avoiding

Yes I know I haven't written in a while. I have been in a deep argument with my guides. Since I am writing now means they have won. As there was any doubt they wouldn't. To help you better understand the reasons for this disagreement, I will tell you about what started it.

First I am human, second I am surrounded by other humans. With that said I shall begin.

August started off as usual, birthday's, anniversaries and kids getting ready for school,bbq's, family gatherings, and hanging out with friends. In addition to everyday life things such as house cleaning, running a business, school work, being a mother and a wife. It is also not uncommon for me to be attacked two-three times a month by forces unseen. I have a ritual that helps me feel safe and thus easier to remove residual effects of the attack. This is information that I do not share litely, (part of the disagreement).

Dates are a blurr for me so I will only describe the events. I was recovering from the second attack of the month; it was a very busy Saturday; 1:00 angel reading, 2:30Baby shower, 5:00 Spa night with friends. Who knew that the angel reading would be the catalyst for all this.

During the angel reading in my office I was given information about myself, and the battle begin. This information was to tell her and others about how I handle attacks, large groups, fears and insecurities regarding my gifts. I had a panic attack, I believe she didn't notice as she was busy having one also as we had uncovered a truth that she had been avoiding, (see the irony in this). To help her handle the truth, I shared with her how I understood her fears even though I may not have her same fears we all have them. At that moment I heard movement upstairs. I asked if she had heard it and she said she had. I then explained to her about "Harry" the little boy under the stairs (yes, he is a spirit and no that isn't his real name), and how it is not uncommon for "visitors" to stop by during a reading. We continued on. A few minutes later I heard more footsteps, this time I felt it was an actual person, I asked her to excuse me I was going to check to see who was here, I headed up the stairs (she was right behind me as she didn't want to be left, plus she had watched scary movies and knew what happened when you went to look) I turned the corner to see a man and a woman in the door way, they were completely surprised to see me standing there. It was as if I had appeared out of nowhere. I asked if I could help them and they said "no, we heard you had moved your office and wanted to stop by and see it", they asked for Daniel (one of my business partners) I told them he wasn't in and would be back on Monday. Long story short they left, however the fear and anxiety they had remained. I quickly removed some of it so I could continue with my client. Unfortunately, I absorb that kind of stuff and the only way for me to remove it is one of two ways, be outside or take a shower. Neither one was an option.
We headed back down to my office (after locking the door) and discussed the strangeness and how we handled it. Facing a fear and it begins. We finished up so I could get to the baby shower.
I will save that for tomorrow.

I surrender & trust.

Time for wellness

It has been a week since I scratched my eye. I have been amazed at the process and how quickly things can alter. It didn't hurt, it was red. I kept blowing it off as I have allergies. The redness was a deep blood red though and by Friday others were getting worried about it. I on the other hand felt it was fine, it wasn't hurting and for the most part wasn't bothering me. It had started weeping, but isn't that a good thing?The weeping was clear, however by Saturday evening the redness had moved from the outer corner to the whole eye and was beginning to ache, along with weeping. Sunday morning it was glued shut and swollen. My husband said "that's it we are going to the Dr." We first went to Eye Masters but they weren't open. So, we headed over to the ER. I spent the morning there, they sent me to the Moran Eye center, and I spent my afternoon there. In short I have two corneal ulcers right. They are very small and with medication the hope is they will dissolve and not leave any scaring. If they do leave scaring it may effect my vision. I am going with they are healing great.

My point is this, it is the small things, that unless they are paid attention to, can cause the most damage. So take the time to acknowledge and care for the little things so you can be well.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Signs from Above, Generosity (unsure), You Found it (unsure)

Steps

This morning as I was going through my morning routine I discovered that someone else had been using my computer. I have been out of town for the past week and it came as a surprise to see that a solitaire game that I had started before leaving was almost complete. How do I know it wasn't I that hadn't gone that far on my game. I wouldn't have made the moves that had been made that's how. It was during the undo process that I had an epiphany that I would like to share. Bare with me as I share this analogy.

We are all given a deck of cards (life), there are four suites in this deck (life paths), we are all given the choice on how to play this deck, solitaire, poker, gin rummy, etc (free will). The game we have chosen then gives us rules to follow to help us win the game (commandments, ethics, morals, rights etc). Now we chose how to play (using free will we create a life vision). I will continue with solitaire here as it is the game I play all the time, which in itself is interesting as I am forging my own path and not playing with others or allowing others to dictate my next move as you do in poker or gin. Okay back to the analogy;

With the deck in hand you lay out your cards in the order in which matches the rules for the game in which you have chosen to play. From there you begin the process of moving cards or collecting cards to pull them all together so that they are in alignment again (Vision, dream). You continue this process until you have either won the game or have come to a stand off (block). If you have made all the correct moves (choices, unity & trust) everything lines up, things go smoothly. If you do not make the correct choices you end up with cards stacked up on top of each other and you can not get to them and in order to get to them you have to go through a series of other moves to undo what you did to get to what you want. What most of us forget about is the undo button (Forgiveness), you can go back and undo what has been done. As you are reviewing or undoing the steps that you took that got you all blocked in, you must recognize the steps that helped and those that didn't (Truth & Wisdom). You begin again once you have undone what blocked you. (some individuals like to call this being reborn, I like to call it re-alignment). This is pretty much how we go through life. We take steps to move forward,unite or pause, forgive or move forward, gain truth & wisdom, move forward, unite. There are some other steps and I am sure you are learning them.

Now to surmise what I started, I know it wasn't my game because I have the wisdom not to have made those moves (choices) to block me in so bad.

I Surrender & Trust

Guidance for today is: Healing, Activist, Sweetness

Generosity

What are you generous with? Time, money? These are the first two things that pop into my mind when generosity comes up. What else is there to be generous with? Yesterday I learned to be generous with patience, love and kindness. Believe it or not these are things that most of us are very stingy about sharing. I meet with a new client that was having a very difficult time with forgiveness, it was during this process I learned about being generous with love. At first I felt empathy for her but as she was explaining her process and her belief of how difficult it is. I felt this expanding feeling of love. In the past I would have kept it to myself as she is a new client and didn't want to scare her. Over time though I have learned that when I get feelings like this they are not mine to keep. I looked her straight in the eyes and told her how loved she ways. It was amazing to feel it pouring out of me into her. She had many questions after that and I am grateful that I didn't hold it back. Thank you for the guidance and experience. My signs from heaven are birds. I have three black birds that like to bomb me every time I go outside. I look at it as a friendly greeting. Unnerving at times, but a nice greeting none the less. There where many other signs yesterday too, I do not recall all of them, but I do know that I was watched over.

Tonight is the night I spend with my sisters and nieces. I look forward to it and release any judgement or expectation I may be holding at this time.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for today is: Pray, Look Deeper, Animals

Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice is one of my favorite times. School gets out and everyone beings to come a live. Summer time is the time when everyone allows themselves to have some fun, whether it is summer vacation or having friends over for a BBQ. The summer solstice starts that for me. I give a fairy offering every year to encourage that I have a good and bountiful garden. I am continually surprised at what shows up in my garden. Summer is endless possibilities and blossoming. I am excited to see what shows up this year.

I surrender & trust

Guidance for me today is: Signs from above, Marriage (unsure), Generosity (unsure)